Lilac

Chapter Twenty-One

Wait what? Is this real life? Am I really updating twice within the same week? Who am I?

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Lilac remained at her seat away from the others while the meeting went on, trying to blend in with her surroundings, not wanting to distract any of them, especially Ethan. She took in everything, all accounts, all words that have been exchanged within the vicinity of the room, and remained quiet.

Around lunch time, as Lilac had seen on the old clock ticking away plastered on the wall on top of another mahogany door, the meeting was finished and one by one, the people inside the room went out. Lilac observed Ethan who had his back turned, the tensed muscles on his back standing out prominently against his shirt as if they have been carved out by a gifted sculptor.

When he turned around and Lilac saw the lines on his face, his mouth in a grim line, Lilac felt a sudden need to comfort him and tell him things would be alright. For a while, they looked at each other, like they always did. It was easy, natural, almost like skin and breathing. Ethan and Lilac conversed in ways others wouldn't notice, in ways others would overlook. They used words, but sometimes they didn't, and still it was enough. Ethan and Lilac knew each other by the slightest of touches, the briefest of smiles, the shortest of eye-contacts.

"Do you want to go home?" Lilac asked, standing up. She felt odd to be the one asking the question.

Ethan stared at her for a little longer- it may have been seconds only, or minutes, or hours, Lilac couldn't distinguish- and nodded.

Together they walked out of the meeting area, and only a few people from the meeting remained at the hallway. Some were talking to each other, discussing further plans. Lilac knew so because she heard the faintest traces of words she heard at the meeting. When they saw Ethan and Lilac join them, they faltered in their conversations, although some tried to carry on casually. Some, however, could not stop their wonder as their gazes travelled over Lilac.

Lilac didn't know where the courage came from. It felt foreign and impulsive. She slipped her hand on Ethan's and weaved her fingers through his. Lilac felt Ethan's surprise but he instinctively tightened their hands together. Foreign and impulsive, but not wrong. Definitely not wrong.

And without so much as a goodbye, Lilac and Ethan went back to his car, hand in hand, oblivious to the rest of the world.

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Lilac knew she was dreaming the same dream again. She knew it well by now, how it would go. But in this dream, the awareness always dawned a little later.

"Siobhan," she called softly at the child she was cradling. The language -she was aware of this- was different. As to which language, she really wasn't sure. The dream was always hazy, clarity evasive, awareness given in partial turns.

"Yes, Lilac?" he answered, looking at her in wonder. He was speaking in a way a child normally would, but Lilac didn't have difficulty understanding what he was saying.

"Does the angel ever come?" she asked cautiously, gauging the reaction on his face.

He worried his lip with his teeth, and shook his head. "When you go, I wake up too. And the angel never comes. But I don't have nightmares anymore."

"What are your nightmares about?" she continued asking carefully, trying to not scare the child away.

Siobhan, at this moment, felt real. He didn't feel like another figment in Lilac's subconscious. His eyes welled up in tears and his voice went wobbly. "Daddy... Daddy is gone."