Lilac

Chapter Twenty

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It would be fair to say that Lilac's heart stopped beating for a split second when Ethan finished speaking. Her lips parted but no words flew.

Had she done it? Had she finally ticked him off? However, before she could even ask the questions, before the why and before the "-but we can't" came out of her mouth, Ethan turned around without so much as a smile, his smirk that did not reach his eyes flatting into a grim line that sent shivers up Lilac's spine.

After a few seconds, the sound of the door shutting and water hitting the floor as the shower ran echoed through the closed walls of Ethan's room.

Lilac scrambled out of the bed, skin tingling and mind almost floating. Briefly, she caught sight of herself at the mirror beside Ethan's closet. While the room was dim, the red spot where her neck met her shoulder was big enough to see. Not peeling her eyes off the reflection, Lilac came closer. She inspected the red blotchy spot contrasting heavily against her pale skin and lightly tapped it with her index finger, trying to massage it away.

It didn't go away.

Lilac pushed further, but to no avail. The blood underneath her skin stayed where it was, as if telling the world whose lips have created it.

And as if going back through time, it registered to her all at once- she was marked. Again.

Temporarily, permanently- did it still matter? No. Not anymore. Because one way or another, the moment they met, the moment they touched, Ethan had already claimed all of her and all of what she would become. There was never any question right from the start, only consideration. It wasn't black and white. It wasn't a matter of yes or no. She was standing right at the point of no return all this time.

Faintly, she asked the girl on the mirror through unmoving, silent lips: How many times will he mark her until it completely, permanently seals upon her skin?

-

There were many ways to let time pass. Back in the Great Hall, she never had to choose how. She didn't have options for herself because she did not want to do anything except to satisfy the urge to quench the unquenchable thirst for knowledge.

And how much she craved to feel the ancient floors pressing upon the soles of her feet only covered in brown shoes that were too soft to be even considered shoes. She longed to see the towering bookcases. She longed to hear Madame Laurela arguing with Sir Devos again. She longed to ask The Sage questions. She longed to be home.

But where was home? Was it here with Ethan in this foreign werewolf pack or was it back in the Great Hall with her kind without him?

-


By the time the sun refused to brighten up the sky anymore, Lilac had already finished reading all the books she took with her. Reading poetry solely felt extremely unusual. Back then, Lilac only gave it very minimal attention. It was just a buffer between numerous historical books.

As she stared at the window that displayed the dark surroundings outside, she realized with a tinge of despair that reading this much poetry didn't do her any good. It only made her feel more nostalgic. It only made her feel more.

And that seemed like everything she did more often lately- feel more. When Ethan would stare at her. When he would hold her hand. When he would become suddenly affectionate with her. When his mood would change all of a sudden. All of him.

It was either feel nothing or feel more. With Ethan Horthwell, only one seemed possible. Feel more. Lilac was convinced that one couldn't not feel when faced to faced with him. Be it fear or awe or nervousness or adoration or hatred. There was simply no room for indifference.

And as one, two, three knocks vibrated against the wooden door of her room, her heart immediately picked up, as if taunting her. Feel more, Lilac.

And as she walked one, two, three, four steps and opened the door and blue eyes so familiar and foreign at the same time stared right back at her, her breath caught. This time, his blue eyes regarded her almost flatly. For her lack of trust, most likely. For turning her back on him.

"Dinner's at the table. I already ate earlier. Wake up early tomorrow, we're leaving."