You're a Wizard, Justin: A Collection of Short Stories

Justin Bieber and the Lost Personal Items

Hey Guys!

My good friend lovelikewoe4 is writing an AWESOME Hunger Games story and I would love if you could go check it out! It's called 47 Kills: Haymitch Abernathy's Story. Vote, Comment, and Fan her puh-leaaasseeee? For Justin?

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I wake up to the sound of the other Gryffindor boys getting ready that day. I hop out of my bed and search through my trunk for a set of robes.

I pick out some Gryffie robes and realize that something is missing.

My ointment.

And my man thongs.

I turn red and my palms get sweaty. I can't last the day without either of them. What am I going to do? I begin to pace back and forth, freaking out. "Dude, are you okay?" Mark calls from across the room as he pulls on a pair of boxers.

"I- I- I- I lost some...stuff," I say.

"Like what?"

"Stuff."

"Well get a Hufflepuff to find it!"

"Why?"

"Because Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders."

He has a point there.

I shove on a pair of robes and dash out of the dormitory, though the common room, and into the Great Hall. A group of Hufflepuffs is sitting at a table together, huddled and talking about geeky shit like Pokemon and Star Wars.

Then again, I did just defeat a bunch of Siths. I can't be talking.

I briskly walk over to the Hufflepuffs and tap one on the shoulder. He turns around, clearly terrified by the look of me.

"Chill out, bro," I say. "I'm a Gryffindor."

"Well, I don't FIND you chilling at all," he says with a cheesy smile. "May I FIND a way to help you?"

"Yeah. I um...lost some things. Can you help me find them?"

"Well I can always FIND a way! Hufflepuffs are particulary good-"

"FINDERS. Look, I know. Now, I need you to find these things," I hand him a piece of parchment with my missing items on it. His eyes grow wide as he reads it.

"Well, I FIND these to be very personal items."

"That's exactly why I need you to find them."

"You can FIND me here in an hour with your FOUND items."

"Okey dokey," I say, striding out of the Great Hall.

***

Back in the Gryffindor common room, I sit in the fetal position, rocking back and forth.

Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs. Ointment. Man thongs.

I can't live with out them.

Mark comes by and kicks me. "Pull yourself together! What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!"

I stand up quickly and realize it's time for me to meet the Hufflepuff. "Yes, sir!" I scream, saluting him.

I run into the Great Hall and the Hufflepuff is standing stupidly at the table. I cooly walk over and smile. "Did you find my things?"

He nods. "Here is your ointment," he says, handing me the white tube of magic cream. "And here is your-man thongs."

"Thanks, bro," I say. "Catch you later."

As I turn away, I hear him say, "Justin! How much are you willing to sell those thongs for?"