How I Fell in Love

Chapter 6: My Realization

"Jin, please answer your phone. I need to talk to you. It's been too long and we both have a lot to say. No, wait. I have a lot to say and I don't want to talk on the phone. Please. I'm begging you. Just give me a chance and I'll explain myself. And if you don't like what you hear, we'll both walk away from this. Okay? I'll be waiting to hear from you. Please, Jin. Please." I hung up the call. Another voice message again. Ever since that day, I've been trying to get in touch with Jin. Stalking him. Waiting for him after his classes. And just recently, I found out that he took a leave of absence. Now, I don't know if it was because of me and what I did. Heck, I still wasn't even sure what happened that day. But all I've been thinking about is trying to get him to talk with me. I figured that once I see him, my feelings would be clear for me to understand.

It hasn't been easy since then. What with Aki telling me that I'm in love with Jin and all that. I know it's pretty shitty of me to say that I'm not sure what my feelings for him are but I can't help it. I can't concentrate on my studies and basketball practice. I try hard to look normal and, so far, only Aki has seen the effects of my uneasiness. It hasn't been easy. Really, it hasn't. I've left a total of 53 voice messages for Jin and not one of them returned. I tried asking around his address and no one knows except that 'Shun' guy. And I'll burn in hell before asking anything from him. 

"Rei!" I look across the gym and see my basketball coach calling for me. I stand up from the bench and walk towards him. He frowns at me, knowing I look like shit, but he doesn't say anything about it. Just as long as I produce the numbers, he won't dip his fingers in my affairs. 

"There's a guy out there that needs to talk to you. You take your time with him. Rest up and once you're ready, come back for another practice match. Okay, son?" I nod at him then slowly make my way out of the gym. In my heart  I secretly pray that it was a 'certain someone' looking for me. I look around, trying to find the familiar figure when I hear someone cough behind me. 

"If you're looking for Jin then I'm sorry to disappoint you." He says and I quickly face the 'unknown' man. I immediately recognize him as the guy Jin was hugging that day. I grit my teeth and frown. He notices the irritation playing on my features and smirks at me. This man named 'Shun' was about 3 inches shorter than me. He had short brown hair and tanned skin. Definitely a member of the track and field team from the looks of his attire. And his long legs were a dead giveaway. He wasn't bad looking at all but definitely inferior to my looks. I look into his emerald eyes and sees that he knows I've been assessing him.

"Done all ready?" He says with a smug smile. I frown in irritation. How I just want to punch that guy's face to remove that smug smile of his. "Look, I know you don't want to see me. And God only knows how much Jin doesn't want me to see you." I glare at him at the mention of Jin's name. Guessing from the way he talks, he and Jin are really close. "But I'm tired of seeing Jin look like a dead man. Applying for leave of absence because of a mistake both of you made. And you not knowing what's really going on. It's pretty fucked up if you ask me."

He walks over to the nearest tree and leans on it while crossing his arms. I remained silent as I watched him, still confused. "I don't think I asked for your opinion." I said in the coldest voice I could muster with an indifferent mask on my face. He frowns at me then replaces it with a knowing smirk. From the looks of things, he controls the conversation. And if he plans to spill information on Jin's whereabouts, I wouldn't even think twice on accepting it. I heard him sigh and kept my facade. "Shun. My name is Shun. You should know that I mean no harm. I'm only here because I need to talk to you. I know the situation and it would be wise of you to just cooperate with me. I am risking a lot just coming here to talk to you." I raise my eyebrow and wait for him to continue.

"Rei." I flinch at the sound of my name. 

"How do-"

"Let me tell you a story." I look at him and see his seriousness leaking all over him. So, I lean my back on the wall behind me and take the same position as Shun. He continues after seeing me get comfortable in my spot. "Once, there was a huge corporation which was led by a cold-hearted man. The man had 2 sons. The eldest of the two proved to be quite gifted. He was smart, beautiful and a talented kid. The youngest of the two had the same qualities but lacked the drive to succeed so he slowly sunk in his brother's shadows. And though the eldest was gifted, he proved to care for his brother as a father would. The man, however, did not care of the gifts his children possessed and lived life as if he had no connection to them. The brothers only had each other and it wasn't easy living a life similar to walking on thin ice. Then one day, things took a turn for the worst." He paused. For dramatic effect, I think. Stupid me. "The man was killed in an accident and the kids were left alone to fend for themselves in a world of bullies. The eldest, who was 16 at the time, took it upon his shoulders to run the company. To sacrifice himself just so his younger brother could live a normal life that didn't involve relatives trying to kill you. And though he was young, he proved to be quite the businessman. The company flourished and the youngest, at the tender age of 10, continued on his path of loneliness. His brother was rarely home, the maids were the only people taking care of him and the people he called 'friends' turned him into a walking bank." I hear his disgust in the tone of his voice. "You see, the youngest was extremely lonely. He lived life like a zombie. Never caring what the next day brought. He took in partners, male or female. Wasting away his vitality on sex between strangers. Then one day, one fateful afternoon changed everything. It was funny, you know. He was on his way to another party when he thought of passing by the park. And there on the park bench sat an unconcious angel. Blonde hair, tanned skin." My eyes widened immediately. "He looked like he was glowing. The boy couldn't help himself and walked over. The entire time the only thing swimming on his mind was who the stranger was. All of a sudden, a sea of blue clouded his vision. He couldn't believe it. It was beautiful. The eyes of a stranger made him feel alive. His heart beat louder, ringing in his ears and he was sure the stranger had heard it as well. So he left. He returned home, looking like a normal 18 year old. Flustered. But, after just one encounter with the stranger, he never returned. Why? Because he couldn't believe it. He was scared of the change he felt in one afternoon. So, he tried to forget the stranger but it seemed like fate had other ideas. Months later, he met him in a bar. It was impossible he thought. He had to get away but he couldn't help himself anymore. So he indulged himseld on the stranger. Falling at an impossible rate. Loneliness never visited him anymore. He spent his hours in the arms of a beautiful lover. But now, he has news that the stranger must know. News that made him leave the lover's side and return to his life of solitude."

Shun straightened himself and looked at the clouds briefly before returning to me. "Here." He gives me a piece of paper. "Keep in mind the story I told you. Jin is a good kid. He deserves a lot after living years like a zombie. If you don't know you're own feelings, I suggest you throw that piece of paper away. But if you're sure, there's where you can find him. Don't hurt him because you'll be a dead man before you can even think about leaving the house." And with that he leaves. I look at the paper and see an address written down.

Jin. I clutched the paper tightly in my hand and returned inside the gym, asking to leave early. Aki gives me worried smile and I return it with one of genuine smiles. Packing my things, I remember the story. The loneliness Jin must have felt during those dark days. 

If you don't know you're own feelings, I suggest you throw that piece of paper away. 

No way. I don't want to spend another day away from Jin. I don't want to wait. I want to see him now. No. I NEED to see him now. I'm happiest with Jin, whatever news he has will not change what I feel for him. Wait. Feel? Am I really harboring feelings for him? I sat down in my car deep in thought. I need to think this through. Because I might blurt out something that could potentially destroy our relationship.

Relationship? Bed buddies?

I want more than what we all ready share. I don't want anyone else in his life except for me. The idea that he might be with Shun hurts me so bad I could kill someone. Jin is mine and only mine. I don't want to share. 

Why don't I want to share him?

Think, Rei. Think. These feelings of possessiveness, desire and happiness. It couldn't be IT, right? It couldn't be love, right? But, from what I hear from Aki, these feelings are normal. Could I really be in love with Jin?

"I can tell you're head over heels in love with him. I mean, I'd do the same thing if Rio was in another man's embrace."

Aki's words ring in my head. I'm in love! Why do I need to deny it? What's stopping me from falling for him? Am I too much of a chicken to admit vulnerability to Jin? 

No, I am not a coward. I love him and no one else is gonna have him.

Feeling my overconfident self back, I smile. Now, this is me. Where have you been hiding obnoxiousness? Hahaha. With my resolve, I start my car and head over to the address. Whether Jin wants to or not, he will love me. So hard that his life will cease to exist without me.