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Funny Quotes

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Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?

Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers, and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!

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Willy Wonka: You can't run a chocolate factory with a family hanging over you like an old, dead goose. No offense.

Grandpa George: None taken. Jerk.

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Shopkeeper: [Surprised] You found Wonka's last golden ticket! In my shop, too!

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Willy Wonka: [looking at silver hair] I realized in that moment, "I must find a heir".

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Willy Wonka: [getting his shoes shined by Charlie, his face hidden behind a newspaper] Pity about that chocolate fellow, Wendle, er, Walter...

Charlie Bucket: Willy Wonka.

Willy Wonka: That's the one. Says here in the papers his new candies aren't selling very well. But, I suppose maybe he's just a rotten egg who deserves it.

Charlie Bucket: Yep.

Willy Wonka: Oh really? You ever met him?

Charlie Bucket: I did. I thought he was great at first, but then he didn't turn out so nice. He also has a funny haircut.

Willy Wonka: [coming out from behind the newspaper] I do not!

Charlie Bucket: Why are you here?

Willy Wonka: I don't feel so hot. What makes you feel better when you feel terrible?

Charlie Bucket: My family.

Willy Wonka: Ew!

Charlie Bucket: What do you have against my family?

Willy Wonka: It's not just *your* family, it's the whole idea of...

[balks]

Willy Wonka: You know, they're always telling you what to do, what not to do and it's not conducive to a creative atmosphere!

Charlie Bucket: Usually they're just trying to protect you, because they love you.

[Willy looks away]

Charlie Bucket: If you don't believe me you should ask.

Willy Wonka: Ask who? My father? Ha! No way. At least not by myself...

Charlie Bucket: You want me to go with you?

Willy Wonka: Hey! Hey, what a great idea! Yeah!

[jumps up]

Willy Wonka: And you know what? I brought transporta-

[bangs into the glass elevator and falls down]

Willy Wonka: I have to be more careful where I park this thing.

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