Scared to Fall in Love |harry styles|

Chapter 8

Nicki's POV

YOU'RE GOING ON TOUR WITH THE LADS! That one sentence that changed my life, really. ''Are you for real?'' I asked, the boys all nodded. ''I am so excited for it! I have a busy few days ahead of me, tomorrow's my mum's funeral, Saturday I'm changing my name to Tomlinson, Sunday and Monday I'll be packing and Tuesday we leave right?'' I asked, ''Actually we leave on Monday'' Liam said, ''Well I'll be packing extra hard on Sunday then won't I'' I said laughing. I was so freaking excited to go on tour.

''Come on we gotta get home now, we've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow'' Jay said, everyone followed her out to the van and got in, once everyone was seated dad drove off towards the house. I was buzzing to go on tour with the lads. ''Where are you going on tour anyway?'' I asked, ''First we go to Australia, then New Zealand and then other countries over that side of the world'' Liam explained, ''I'm gonna be going to Australia?'' I asked, completely astounded, ''Yup'' Louis said.

''I'm so damn excited'' I gushed, ''Us too, oh you'll just love the band we tour with, they're incredibly funny'' Niall said, ''Is that 5 seconds of summer?'' I asked, ''How'd you know?'' he asked, ''I told you, Natalie is such a big fan, I've heard your songs about a million times and I've watched 5 Seconds of summer's twitcams'' I said. ''I see'' he said as the van stopped and we got out.

*

''This is it, I say goodbye to my mum today'' I said putting on waterproof mascara and some lip gloss along with my usual amount of foundation and powder. I brushed my hair and left it in its natural waves. I had on a black dress that went to mid thigh and black heels, ''You look lovely Nicki, I hope you're okay'' Louis said hugging me, ''Thank you Lou'' I said hugging him back. We left the room and headed downstairs to where the boys were standing. Jay, dad and the girls had left early to leave us room to get ready as the boys were all sleeping on couches or at the bottom of Lou's bed.

''You look beautiful Nicki'' Harry complimented, ''Thank you Harry'' I said blushing as the 6 of us left the house. I had my black clutch with my phone, some money and a photo of me and my mum at my 16th birthday party. It was the best photo of the both of us, my mum was drunk and I'd had a few drinks too, not much as I was only 16, but a couple. We were both goofing off and pulling silly faces but it brought back memories.

''Are you alright Nicki, you've been awfully quiet?'' Niall asked, ''Of course I'm not alright Niall, I'm going to bury my mother today'' I snapped, instantly regretting it as he was only asking, ''I'm so sorry Niall, I didn't mean to snap, I'm just, I'm not feeling so good, nor am I in the best of moods'' I said, ''It's fine, I understand'' he said, ''Yeah, but I still shouldn't take it out on you, I'm sorry'' I said again, ''It's alright, come on, we're here'' Niall said as I got out, followed by all the lads.

We walked into the church and went to the front where we'd to sit. There was quite a few people here, mostly friends though as we had no way of contacting my mum's family in America, only her sister and mother. They were here but I didn't know who they were, what they looked like or nothing so I ignored them, that sounds so rude but they've never acknowledged me before now so why bother?

The Priest was saying things, blessings and there were songs and everything you usually get at a funeral. ''And no Nicki will say a few words'' he said, I stood up and made my way up to the altar. I looked around the church and saw loads of people I'd never saw before. And I began;

''Looking around, there's so many people I don't even know, so many people I've never saw or vaguely remember, but you all knew my mum, somehow. And I am so grateful for you to take time outta work or school or whatever you had planned for today to come down and say a final goodbye to my mum. She was such an amazing person, a total inspiration to me. After all, she was all I had while growing up. I never had a father, I know why now. I never had aunts or uncles or grandparents or cousins or nothing. I had a mother. She wasn't only my mum though, she was my sister, my best friend, my mum, she was even my granny, she was everything to me and now she's gone.

But if she saw me crying over her, she'd be so mad, she hated people crying over her, or giving her sympathy, much like myself. She'd always tell me never to cry over something thats already happened. And I believe in that totally. What is the point in crying over something that's already happened? There's no way to take back her death, or make her come back to life, is there? No.

She'd always tell me to look on the bright side of life, and not to think of the negative part of something, and that every negative thing had to have a positive. And right now, I believe that. Since my mum died, I've been living with my dad, I found out I had 4 half sisters and a half brother. And now I'm going on tour with my brother and his band. They've become my new best friends and I honestly couldn't be happier here with them.

Sure I miss my mum, Hell I'll miss her until the day I die, but there's a good thing that comes from every bad thing. And this right here, this has proved my mum's point. This has proved that for every bad night, there's an even brighter day. Once again, thank you all for listening to my long speech and thank you all for coming to say a final goodbye. Goodbye mummy, I love you. Always and forever. Till the day I die and join you. Until then my friend'' I said wiping the few tears while everyone clapped.

I walked back to my seat next to Harry and Liam, Harry hugging me tightly, ''You are so brave, I am proud of you babe'' he whispered in my ear. I smiled, ''Thank you Harry'' I said as we sat down and listened to the Priest say his final words. ''Now if you would care to join me while we bury Louise at the cemetery then you are all welcome'' he said. Everyone began moving around in all directions, before the coffin was lifted and took to the black car like thing and it was drove off with me and dad in the car.

We got to the cemetery and waited for everyone to arrive. ''Is it alright to begin?'' the Priest asked, I looked around and noticed everyone I wanted to be here, was here, and then some extra people, ''Yeah, you can begin'' I said. He began the ceremony thing, where the coffin was put under the ground in the ditch and I put a rose down too, then the grass was put over it and the flowers we ordered were on top of the grass. The headstone stood tall and proud and read:

Louise Kane. She will be missed dearly, loved forever and never forgotten. Much loved mother of Nicki Tomlinson. Love you Louise, always and always. R.I.P mammy - love Nicki x

It was me who wrote it, I chose to put Nicki Tomlinson because my name was gonna be that as of tomorrow, so I decided I'd put that on it. Everyone was coming up to me and apologising, saying sorry for my loss and giving me all of the sympathy cards that you give people at funerals. ''Are you alright babe?'' Harry asked, ''Of course not Harry, I just, I miss her so damn much, I just want one last hug from her, to hear her voice in real life, and not only videos, and to think the last thing I did was argue with her. And now I know why, it was before I left for your concert and my mum was worried that I'd notice Louis and figure everything out. She was only looking out for me and I blew it outta proportion'' I said, tears flowing down my face. Harry pulled me into a hug as I lay my head on his chest, soaking his shirt.

''I put on a brave face, I try so fucking hard to think positive and look on the bright side of this but I just can't. I do try, I try to listen to my mum's words, try my fucking hardest and it just doesn't look as if it's good enough Harry'' I said, ''Come on babe, you do your best. It's alright to be sad sometimes, and it sure as hell is alright to cry. You don't always have to look on the bright side Nicki, sometimes it's alright not to be alright'' he said, ''And I'm always gonna be here for you love. Always, and I promise you that'' he continued, ''Thank you so much Harry, I've known you less than a week and you're already my new best friend that we act like a total couple but we're just best friends'' I said, ''That's a long title to give us, ay?'' he asked winking, I chuckled a bit.

''Are you alright Nicki?'' Lottie asked, coming over and hugging me, ''In all honesty, no, I'm not alright. But you know what? That's alright'' I said smiling at Harry who smiled back at me. I felt like shit, I missed my mum and I'm never gonna see her again, but you know what? That's alright, cause now I have a new family, and I'm going on tour with my brother and new best friends. I will always miss my mum and I'll think about her constantly and I'll cry at night for a while, but in the end none of that's gonna help bring my mum back, she's gone, but I know she's looking down on me and hopefully smiling.

And I plan on keeping my promise to her, I plan on making something of my life.