1.1 | Cherry Knots ✓

06 | warmth

0 6

w a r m t h

It was becoming alarmingly easy to get used to Declan. He continued to sit with me during lunch breaks. And no matter how busy he became, he made sure to text me, whether it was to ask me how my day was, or just to ask me some ridiculous question. He acknowledged my existence during class, or after school, even if was just to say goodbye to me.

But today was different, because he had nothing else to do, and figured that instead of learning how to kiss, I could teach him a little bit of Geography, a subject which he was horrible at. We were headed to his house, but since his place was a little bit further, we had to take the bus to get there.

"You'll get to see Matt again," Declan told me, hitching his bag further up his shoulder. "He loves you to bits. Keeps asking me about you. It's like he meets you and suddenly I'm not the person he adores anymore."

"Why would it take him so many years to find someone else more worthy of adoration?"

Declan's lips twitched. "Shut up, El. And come on, the bus is here."

Immediately, my legs began to move on their own accord. Declan was already farther ahead, his long legs eating up the distance quickly, and I was lagging behind.

"You okay there?" Declan stopped and paused until I caught up with him.

"Just fine."

"Well, come on, then. I'm not leaving you behind." He grabbed my hand, intertwining his fingers through mine, and pulled me after him. We only just managed to squeeze onto the crowded bus before the doors closed behind us and the bus made its way slowly down the street.

"I had no idea it was going to be this crowded," Declan muttered, his voice barely audible over the conversations of the people around us.

I shrugged in response . Noticing that Declan wasn't holding onto any handlebars, or anything for that matter, I nudged him. "You should really hold onto something in case you fall."

He smirked. "No, I think I'm good. I'm pretty good at balanci – " But the words were barely out of his mouth when the bus gave a tremendous lurch, and his hands immediately flew up as he placed his palms flat on the glass window behind me.

"Good at balancing, huh?" I remarked, in amusement as his cheeks reddened in embarrassment.

What I failed to consider, however, was the fact that his action had brought us so much closer to each other – his hands were on either side of my head, his face just inches away from me, his body leaning into mine. The bus was noisy, the people around us fully absorbed in their phones or in their own conversations, but regardless of the lack of attention on us, my cheeks heated up.

"Well, now we know I at least have you to lean on," He said, his lips quirking up into his usual smirk.

"Shut up and get away from me," I replied, placing my palms on his chest to push him away.

Quick as thought, Declan had reached up to capture my wrists, entrapping them beneath his own warm hands. And, for a moment, the notion that it was kind of a perfect moment slipped into my mind.

Until he ruined it by opening his mouth. "That's not what you were saying to me last night."

I scowled and pulled away from him. "You're incorrigible."

His smirk was self-congratulatory as he gazed down at me. "Thanks, I take that as a compliment."

"I knew you would."

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After a stifling ten minutes on the bus, we got off the bus and headed for Declan's house. As Declan walked beside me, I couldn't help but chance a glance at him. Finally, random curiosity getting the better of me, I nudged him. "I have a question."

Declan raised his eyebrows, staring at me questioningly.

I swallowed, nervously. "Don't get mad, okay? But I was just wondering, was Matt born with that, um..."

"Handicap?" His tone was slightly tetchy, his gaze suspicious.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to. Don't be mad."

"El," He sighed, "I'm not mad. I just – I figured this question was going to come up sooner or later, but now that the question's eventually come up...I have honestly no fucking clue how to say it."

"Then don't say it."

He shook his head. "No, I want to. Just – just give me a moment, okay?"

I paused. Then I reached up to wrap my fingers around his arm, shifting in closer to him as we continued to walk. He stiffened for a moment, but then relaxed as I tugged gently on his arm. "Let's do a swap," I said lightly, "I'll tell you something about me first, and you can tell me about Matt's thing whenever you're ready."

He smiled. "Sounds good to me."

I took a deep breath. "I had bout of - depression, I guess, sometime back. That's why I pulled out of school a couple of months ago."

Declan shrugged, his lips quirking up in a soft smile. "I know."

I almost did a double-take. "What?"

"I mean - I didn't know what happened to you, but I knew that you'd left. You weren't around for ages. Eventually curiosity got the better of me and I asked one of our teachers what had happened to you."

Every time I thought I'd gotten Declan all figured out, he surprised me yet again. He had noticed my leaving, he had noticed my returning, and somehow, that seemed to make all the difference in the world. "You - you noticed?"

He rolled his eyes. "Who wouldn't have noticed?"

"Um, everyone?"

"Bullshit," He scoffed, "I noticed it."

"That's only because you're weird. And because you have nothing better to do," I added, in a joking manner, but the frank candidness of his words spread a certain warmth in me. "Thank you," I said, at last, struggling to keep my voice even. "But if you knew that I went through all that, and you knew that I wasn't normal, like other people – why'd you still talk to me in the first place?"

He stared at me incredulously. "Just because you went through that doesn't make you any different. Listen – hey, look at me," He tugged me back, and tipped a finger under my chin, tilted my head up so I was looking right at him. "For all the bad things you think about yourself, I see a hundred other good things. You're beautiful, you're smart, you're kind and you're absolutely amazing. So don't for one second let anyone convince you otherwise."

There was nothing to say, or think, so for once I just let myself feel. Taking a step forward, I closed the gap between us and wrapped my arms around his waist. In the meantime, I just soaked it all in. The way he froze at my unexpected hug, the way he reciprocated by returning my hug with an equal amount of force. The way he buried his face into my hair, the way I fit so perfectly against him. I had not noticed it before but I did now and it terrified me -

I was falling for Declan hard and fast, with nothing to catch me or to keep my heart safe.