Follow The Rain

Twenty

"I've been thinking," Matthew said as we lay beneath the midnight stars. I knew it was probably time for me to go home, but I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here and remember how everything used to be. Under the clouds with the breeze on our faces and the sun in our eyes and the taste of sunscreen and the smell of nature, adventure.

"Me too."

"I've been thinking about what happens next year, after we matriculate." He sighed heavily. I felt a surge of jealousy.

"After you matriculate. Who knows when I will."

"You will, you're smart."

"And blind."

"That too."

"How does that help?" I muttered.

"I never said anything. You just assumed that being blind is a bad thing to be."

"It is," I argued. Nothing was the same since that accident and he knew it.

"Stubborn too," he said under his breath but I heard loud and clear.

"So what are your plans?" I asked after a short space.

He sighed and rolled over to face me. I stayed directed towards the sky above us. "I want to study and get it done. I don't want to take a gap year and forget how to work. I've applied to study law."

"That's been your dream job since grade one," I commented, sitting up and leaning back on my hands.

"I'm beginning to think you'll be the lawyer between the two of us," he laughed.

"Nah, too much pointless arguing," I said, tracing the wood of the tree house floor with my fingers. "Besides, I like to look people in the eye when I make a belittling point to their face."

"Yeah, I've definitely fallen victim to your argumentative glare," Matthew drummed his fingers against the wood in a hurried manner, indicating that he needed to say something.

"So law, are you sure that's what you want to do?"

"Do you doubt me?"

"I don't know. Do I?" I asked.

Matthew laughed for a reason I wasn't quite sure of. "I've always wanted to be a lawyer. I figured it's the most likely chance of me ever helping someone in need. It probably sounds stupid," he said in exasperation.

"No - no, it doesn't. It sounds like the right job for you."

"I've been wondering -" he paused. The leaves rustled overhead and a cool breeze blew through my hair. "I'm not quite sure..."

"Matthew -"

"I'm not quite sure what we are, where this is going," he spoke quickly as if the words were hot on his tongue and threatened to burn his mouth if they lingered too long. "I've never done this before and I don't really know what's normal and what's not, you know? I just feel so confused right now. All I really know is that I want to spend my life with you but I don't even have my life figured out and -"

"Woah, calm down. Matthew, you don't have to have everything planned. We're only eighteen; we have so many more years together. Let's just take it one step at a time, okay?" I reached out and he grasped my hand. His was hot and seemed to be shaking.

"I'm afraid," he voiced, tightening his clasp in my hand. I wanted to say something but didn't know what. I wasn't entirely sure what he was trying to say. "Kayla, I'm afraid of loving you. I -" his words caught in his throat and I realised he was crying. "I'm so scared that we'll end up like my parents did. I don't know what went wrong between them. What if it happens to us?"