The Wife's Diary

The New Member

February 26, 2014

Two nights passed after that night, I decided not to ask him anymore if there is something going on. But it made me worry that he would sometimes got up and drink water which he only does when he want to calm himself... like he has this difficulty sleeping. I had let him be. I was afraid he might get irritated with me of being nosy. I also noticed that he would let the lamps on but when I already is asleep, he will turn it off. So, I just waited for him to talk. In total, five days had passed of him being like that.

On the sixth day, which was my rest day from work, something was really off. He went home earlier from a co-worker's night out party with a swollen cheek. He won't talk to me even look at me while asking him what happened as he arrived. He was angry. I can't take any more of the situation so I confronted him. He mentioned a name that never did it came to my mind he will utter. My face became pale for a moment.

Him: So you knew him.

Me: Yes, I do.

He was trying to compose himself while seemingly waiting for me to say more than just what I had answered.

Me: Do you... know him?

Him: He's a new member.

Me: I see.

Him: Is that all you can say?!

I was on the process of thinking what to say and how to say it. I don't know how to respond to him especially when I saw in his eyes that he's angry and he's hurt. It was so sudden.

Me: What do you want me to say? What do you expect me to say?

He scoffed.

Him: Nothing! Like you always do, you say nothing! I don't even know now... I'm sick of... I'm sick of thinking of what I am to you!

I was surprised and on the same time, confused.

I want to clear things up about what he just said; of what does he mean by thinking of what he is to me!

Doesn't he hate it when I tell him I love him and whenever I show him he is my husband who I want to touch and caress so much?

Wasn't he the one who had always pushed me away?

So I stopped and instead, even though it's stupid, I treat him as my most special friend, bestfriend, acquaintance or whatever people will call it!

But my... he is the one I love the most for goodness sake! I want to tell all of that to him, but he slept in the sofa and ignored me though I said I want to talk!

Arrrrrggghhhh!!!