Butterfly Effect

Stupid Plans and Thin Glass (Special Chapter)

A/N: 2.1k words for you. Please accept my sincerest apologies.

I didn't really mean to hide away from Jinyoung in the first place. I trembled in the sound of disowning that's why I agreed to what my parents planned. I didn't know what to do back then if ever I was disowned; I will not put Jinyoung at risk of always worrying me; but I was so stupid. I didn't think of the consequence that Jinyoung will experience. I didn't think of Jinyoung's mental illness. How can I be so selfish?

It hurt me a lot to leave him that day without saying goodbye; technically, I didn't say goodbye. He knows I'm dead. I didn't even hear anything about him after that; he didn't go online on his SNS accounts so I wouldn't know. JB isn't as well but I think that's because of his studies. I didn't even know if Jinyoung still studying, no updates on him at all. I was completely disconnected.

He still looked beautiful and charming and perfect; just like the way I saw him for the first time. But I looked into his eyes; I saw it in his eyes today. I saw how sad he was, how Jackson described him as lifeless when he told me he was traumatized because "a guy just fainted while we were on our way to the studio". I probably underestimated Jinyoung's love for me; how I doubted him that he wouldn't miss me when I'm gone. I think he did miss me and I think he almost died doing so.

It's always clear to me that my parents didn't like the fact that I was bisexual—so why did I go through the risk of loving Jinyoung and just hurting him like that? Why did I agree to my parent's stupid plan of going away and "eventually forget Jinyoung"? Somebody, please. Kill me now. It's better like that. I should have just died, like what they reasoned out to him. Do you know what it's like to see him extremely sad and depressed?

I do. I've seen it so many times before and now I saw it again. I promised him I wouldn't make him feel like that and we'll fight his mental illness together; but here I am, seeing the evidence of my broken promise. I saw all of the disappointment, pain, shock, and longing in his eyes altogether. I must've made him feel worse than what he's already feeling.

I want to tell Jinyoung the truth, all of it. But I don't have any plans on how to tell Jinyoung about all this; about all the stupidity I'm involved into. I want to confess to Jinyoung as soon as possible but I've created a hole for myself; pretending I don't know him.

I've spent six months longing for Jinyoung in California. Every little thing I do reminded me of him; how he would always stop me from riding my motorcycle after our little incident before. From the quiet walks to the convenience store to taking a dangerous dive to the pool, I remember him. Am I crazy? Probably.

Jackson knew all of this, knows all about Jinyoung but he hasn't actually seen him until today.

"Hyung! Why are you running away? He was right there! Go reconcile with him." Jackson said while chasing me through the hospital stairs.

"I can't, Jacks. You saw what I did; I pretended not to know him." I reasoned out.

"Where are you going, then?"

"Out."

"Out? No." I quickly ran from the lobby but he caught up to me. "Hyung, we're going back to your car. Let's talk there, it's more..."

"More what?

"More safe, hyung." I frowned but complied.

We walked back to the parking lot quietly, not speaking; saving all of our words for the upcoming conversation. What plans do I have? I don't know. Can Jackson help me here? Hopefully. The moment we closed my car doors, he spoke.

"What the heck, hyung? Why did you pretend to not know him? He's your love; your soulmate, even. I can feel that aura. Why did you do that?" He removed his cap and placed it at the backseat.