Butterfly Effect

Needle and Thread

November 29, 2014

I was still traumatized with the motorcycle thing last week. I don't even remember half of the things that occurred. We were riding the motorcycle and the next thing I know I was in Mark's dorm and he was treating on my epidermal wounds. He was talking about how brave I was that night but I was just quiet; because I had nothing to say. I was still in shock from the experience.

We had a date today after the exam. It was... magical, I suppose? It's not as romantic as dinner for two but watching The Fault in Our Stars in his living room with popcorn and some soda, we're good. I found myself sobbing after the movie; Mark said I was a crybaby. I probably am.

I don't know what would happen if one day I just don't see Mark, like he's gone when I wake up the next day. I'd prefer to be like Edward Cullen and watching my Bella Swan sleep, my Mark Tuan. I'm so cheesy; I'm actually cringing while writing this. Then, I should change him into a vampire and we will never age and we will just be together... forever.

Okay. I have to stop with the Twilight thing.

Forever; a seven-letter word that makes you hold your heart in your hands. Sometimes, too much belief in this word makes you look stupid and act stupid. Just remember that being in love is not easy. When you love someone, there has to be some sacrifices. It takes true love to fulfill those sacrifices whole-heartedly. When you like someone, don't give them your all just yet. You might end up getting hurt and the consequences are bad. A study has shown that you can literally die from a broken heart. It's not just a figure of speech anymore, it's real.

Just like my love for Mark; and "it's a privilege to have my heart broken by you", Mark.

I'll write again soon.

Jinyoung

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I'm alive.

I'm alive.

Just like Jon Snow, I'm alive.

Okay.

I slowly open my eyelids to take on my surroundings. I'm at a hospital for sure; I can also feel the stupid needle injected on my left arm because I just hate IV. It's not that cold in my room; in fact the temperature is just perfect. It's comfortable. I yawned, I probably just fell asleep, right? Oh, wait no.

"This is why you can't escape me, Jinyoung-ah. I'll always find you; especially when there's a local report that they 'found a body meters away from the JYP training center' or something." JB hyung.

It's not cold, but there's a scolding coming. Crap.

"What the hell were you thinking Jinyoung? You just ran away like that and assume that I wouldn't find you? No, man. Do you know that I make it a habit to go back to your room exactly one hour after you say 'good night, hyung I'm gonna sleep' because I want to check if you just took your own life or ran away; and that habit wasn't wrong. And why did you turn off your phone? Do you know that it takes two minutes to turn on a Samsung phone? You can't call police two minutes after you're kidnapped!"

He was angry and in rage. I deserve all of it.

"I'm sorry, hyung." I muttered.

"You have apologized many times Jinyoung and I don't know if I can forgive you as someone who lives in my house for years and makes me worry like this. But you're my best friend as well and I'm going to forgive you. I'm not a shit friend."

You're not, hyung. I am a shit friend.

"Stop talking to yourself and talk to me, Jinyoung. Why did you run away?"

I took a deep breath. "I'm tired, hyung. I'm tired of being treated like I'm sort of a charity case. I'm tired seeing you sleepless because of me. And now it just makes me feel worse because hey, you're in Seoul right now which means, you're skipping classes which you don't really do because you want to graduate with a clean record. I just left so that the weight you're lifting extra, which is me, will be removed."

"Haaa. Why didn't you tell me? Talk to me, Jinyoung. It's the main reason why the room I gave to you in my house is across mine; so that when you go out of your room, you can knock in mine if you want to talk. I can't play mind games with you, Jinyoung. We're best friends but we're not telepathic like girl best friends."

I just looked past him. "I'm really sorry."

He sighed. "Anyway, where did you sleep last night? You weren't booked in any hotel."

"I... I slept at the streets."

His eyes widened.

"No, not really; I didn't sleep at all. I just lied down on a bench at the park near Han River."

"What?"

"Yeah, I don't have that much money so I can't book myself in a hotel because I want to survive at least a week homeless and jobless before dying in some alleyway."

Our conversation was interrupted when the doctor entered the room. She looks nice, that's for sure; and I remember her from the medical TV show Mark was watching. Mark.

"Mr. Park, it's very disappointing to see that someone like you is just lying on the ground, passed out from hunger, thirst and hypothermia. We had an IV drip on you for some nutrients, at least. You can discharge today and tomorrow as you wish."

I think I want to discharge tomorrow; this is a good place to live. But then I remember that's an extra charge on the room.

"Thanks Dr. Kang." JB hyung said and smirked. Uhm... did he just low-key flirt with her?

"Sure. I have to excuse myself I still have patients to attend to, if you don't mind."

JB hyung and I nodded and she left.

"You have to know that Dr. Kang has a boyfriend, right? She's talked about it in that medical TV show thing Mark hyung is watching. And that boyfriend is in the army. Hyung, he can kill you and no one would know."

"Too bad. Why is Mark watching a medical show though?" I just shrugged.

"Seriously, he's weird."

"That's true." I smiled.

"How are you?" he asked, concerned.

"I'm okay. I'm alive, that's for sure."

"No. I mean about Mark..."

I sighed. "I'm okay, I guess. I try to move on and I just can't, you know? There's this constant feeling of being attached to him, like a thread just pulling you towards the one who affected your life the most. As much as you try to ignore it, you just can't. You're threaded together, like cloth."

"That's was deep, Jinyoung-ah. You just ran away and now you know all this wisdom shit." He laughed.

JB hyung pulled out his phone. "It's 9:12am now. They're probably waiting. They said they'll come back by 9."

Who? "Who are 'they'? Last time I checked, I have no friends except you."

"Ah, the guys who brought you here."

Guys?