Of Fallacies And Fate

n i n e

"Everybody has a secret world inside of them. I mean everybody. All of the people in the whole world, I mean everybody — no matter how dull and boring they are on the outside. Inside them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds... Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands, maybe."-Neil Gaiman.

n i n e

The smoke billowed copiously from his mouth, intricately weaving its own pattern in the air as it gradually faded away. The chemicals hardly helped him get high, for it was hard to bring euphoria to such a saddened mind. Rayhaan's hand tightened around the long pipe which curled around away from the opulent comfort of his sofa to the Hookah container resting on an equally modish table nearby. Outside the cosy cafe lounge, stars danced around the midnight sky and the moon shone bright with full intensity, the wholeness of it magnificently illuminating the vast sky.

A week.

A week had passed since she came back in his life. Fate. She was meant to return in his life anyway. It was as if he knew this all along. He had that shrimp hope deep inside his heart that it would happen. But the magnitude of the intensity with which it hit his life since she returned, that he hadn't expected. If four years ago things were difficult, now it had a new level of complexity to it. 

Atleast, back then he had surity about his feelings. He knew that he didn't like her, he was sure that such feelings that she had harboured for him, he definitely didn't. That's where the complication began. Two friends, very close,one ends up falling for the other whereas the other has no idea about it nor does the other acquire such feelings neither had any intention to. It had been a gigantic surprise for him knowing that she had liked him, liked him in a way more than a friend should and the way he reacted to the surprise, he wasn't proud of himself. That dreary night, he thought remorsefully, he had broken her, her very pristine soul, shattered her vulnerable heart into pieces. And that pained him more than it ever pained her. How could he explain it to others, it was far worse to be the one who breaks a heart rather to be the one whose is heart broken. He should have been better,he should've known about it all along, he should have done a lot of things in a lot of different ways. But he didn't. And he would punish himself for it all his life, yet his guilt wouldn't subside. Back then he knew that it was better he broke her heart once by admitting the truth than faking along just to protect her heart and do more damage than good. A single dagger wound, he thought, would have been much better than a million paper cuts everyday. Wouldn't it?

But now, four years later, the two of them should have moved on from the past. And looking at her, he knew that she certainly did. He was happy to see her strong, that she was no longer hurting but still he couldn't forgive himself. She didn't need to surround her heart with those high walls, she didn't need to be this cold and all of this was his fault. But one question gnawed painfully in his mind, had she really forgotten about him? Was he now only a distant memory for her? Did all the feelings she vehemently felt for him faded away? By her behaviour it sure affirmed so. And knowing that he no longer held an important place in her heart, it did something to his own heart, which can only be described as painful as a deep slash right into it. 

People around him talked and talked as the night continued and he drowned in the pool of his thoughts until one of his friends addressed him and asked why he looked so melancholous. He easily dismissed his friend giving him the excuse of the extensive workload from college as well as home taking its toll on him. Had it been Nikhil on the other end, he wouldn't have been easily believed Rayhaan. That guy had a thing, where he could see right through a person, more specifically if that person was close to him. He wished Nikhil had come to hang out with all of them tonight. As much as he liked all the other friends he was now spending time with, he preferred solitude against all of them. It was only Nikhil who he preferred more than his solitude, although sometimes even Nikhil could be pretty painful, times like nowadays where he seemed intent to figure out what to do with him and Samairah. He suddenly felt the urge to meet Nikhil, maybe his company would offer some peace to his disturbed soul. Thinking so, he quickly fished out his phone from his pocket, navigating his way to text Nikhil.