Catch Me If You Can (Sequel to To Find You)

'Cause I'm Already Gone

"There's really no way to reach me. 'Cause I'm already gone."

                                                                    The Fray: Vienna

Today was the day.

Today was the day she would see the other half of the boy band that had become her makeshift family for the first time in over 6 months and she was beyond terrified.

 She was scared of them noticing anything out of the ordinary with her. She was scared of being a disappointment even though there was no possible explanation for her to be. She was scared of any small thing going the slightest bit wrong.

 How did she deal with this stress? She was in her bed. Again. It seemed to be her "safe haven" or whatever. All she knew was that it was cold outside and her woolen blanket was keeping all the more warm. That observation therefore being the reason it was already 1:00 in the afternoon and she had only gotten out of bed to use the restroom. It was completely logical. Practically common sense.

 The familiar ringtone of Vienna by The Fray started playing again from the other side of the room. She had changed his call sound ever since he had mentioned it had been his new favorite song.

 The phone had already rung twice before. Louis had come and checked on her one time but she had pretended to be asleep. She always seemed to be tired.

 The therapist had told her that she would have good days and bad days. She would be able to tell as soon as she woke up which one it would be.

 Today was a bad day.

 It hadn't hit the extreme side of uncomfortable yet, even though that would occur sometime soon she imagined. She just woke up with a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach which she had associated with her low days. Or how she called them: her drop days.

 Louis knocked on her door, calling her name quietly. She was sitting up in bed, reading a book, Looking for Alaska to be exact. She felt like Alaska Young sometimes nowadays. She understood where she was coming from when she felt like everything was crashing down on her, her random sob sessions, and the points in time where she would just blurt out the things on her mind unintentionally scaring nearby people.

 "Alaska finished her cigarette and flicked it into the river.

 Why do you smoke so damn fast?' I asked.

 She looked at me and smiled widely, and such a wide smile on her narrow face might have looked goofy were it not for the unimpeachably elegant green in her eyes. She smiled with all the delight of a kid on Christmas morning and said, 'Y'all smoke to enjoy it. I smoke to die.”

 She read the passage out loud over and over again, soaking up the emotion exerting from Alaska Young's messed up mind. Louis knocked on her door one more time.

 "Yes?" she answered quietly.

 "Can I come in?" he asked hesitantly.

 She hummed a response and watched the door open gently before being closed behind him the same way. He pressed his back against the door and asked her the same question he asked every day: "How are you feeling?"

 He knew before she even opened her mouth that it was one of the bad days. One of the days where she wouldn't want to see anybody or touch anything or participate in an activity except for read and go to sleep. Even though that was all she ever did anyways.

 "Today's a bad day," she said. Her voice sounded gravelly and deep, like she had just woken up.

 "How long have you been awake?" he asked her curiously.