Toys of a Dangerous Mind-{Winner of Undiscovered, Watty Awards 2011} Under Edit

Chapter 19

We had slept, Liam, Renae and I, together in Renae's bedroom, none of us wanting to go back and face our empty rooms. We needed eachother. As I woke, the sunlight streaming in through a chink in the curtains alighted on Liam's face, his blonde highlights coming out strongly. He looked so young, and innocent, his worries wiped clean away by the blissful ignorance of sleep. Renae, looked peaceful. her messy, brown hair, falling everywhere, strands of hair cutting through the view of her face.

I realized, that our hands: Liam's, Renae's and mine, were interlocked, our fingers grasped tightly to eachother. Even through sleep, we fought to stay together. My eyes drifting carelessly around, I happened to glance down at my arms. The scars disgusted me, an obvious display of my lack of self-control. What had I been thinking? I hated to think that not so long ago, perhaps days, I had cut myself and relished the pain, thinking I was helping myself get through the emotion running wild in my head. Looking further along, I noticed the R branded forever onto my skin. Such an ugly symbol, conveying an uglier concept. With or without this mark, I knew we were all Raxis's property. He held all the power, which we had once so gullibly gave him. And, with his powers, he created the Games.

The Games! How could I have been so forgetful? The Fourth Stage was on today! And, I had forgotten to tell my friends as well. To help them prepare- to get them into the right mental mode needed to survive this brutal Game. There were only ten of us left now, and a further five would die today. I hoped to God that my friends would be spared. It felt selfish, thinking only of my friends. But, this was my reality. For the three of us to survive, others needed to die. And, there was nothing i could do about it. The only thing I could do to prevent more death past the Fourth Stage, was the escape plan. The escape plan, which came from a story, a made-up story. Doubt, like an experienced soldier, breached the wall inside my mind, the wall which I let no negative emotion pass. What if I was wrong? What if the story was just that, a story with no truth, no facts? I couldn't bear to see the faces of my fellow Competitiors, the one who had made that leap of faith, only to find there was no place for them to land.

And, the damage it would do to me? It would be massive. For, if we couldn't escape, if there was no escape, then only one of us would survive. Even if I survived, I would have to go on without my best friend and my boyfriend. Without the two people who would understand what I was going through and why. If I couldn't have them right beside me, and if I survived, then truthfully, I don't know if I would have the strength to endure the Mercy Game for a second time. For each test, each painful test, that I had to go through, there had always been a strong reason behind it. With the Mercy Game, I was under the belief that Raxis would heal Liam- a belief which was shaken and destroyed. With the reliving of my memories, I had Liam back at this point, and when I finished, I knew I would see him again. All these relentless, brutal Games? I don't know, but I might have given up by now, if it wasn't for the fact that I couldn't do that to Liam and Renae, and I needed to get those five Competitiors, whoever they will be, out of here. I held the directions, I was the one who had started this. And, I had to be the one to end this.

Another worry tugged at my mind- Zalia's dagger. I would need to return it to her, but the only way to achieve that goal, was for Raxis to lead the way. But, there was no reason for me to return, no acceptable excuse for me to go back. Raxis would see right through me and through some means, retrieve the dagger, and punish me. And I would have broken my promise to Zalia, the one who had brought me back Liam. If I could not fulfil our deal, I knew I would regret it. I felt that with this dagger, Zalia would somehow, escape, back to Heaven where she truly belonged. Without it, she would remain in that dank room, the floor streaked with her blood, and be tortured day after day, by Raxis, and eternal life of pain. She would long for death, long for her family. But she would never be granted with her wish, never be rescued. I remembered the torture I had endured, the never-ending pain, the fire that seared through me.....I struggled to even comprehend what she was going through.