rescue me / larry

chapter twenty-three / sadness

"And I really wish that you could help but my head is like a carousel, I'm going round in circles."

Louis was laying on his bed, his eyes fixed on the ceiling above him. His thoughts were flying around in his head and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't concentrate on a single one.

It felt like Louis started a new thought every few seconds and it felt exhausting because every new thought was as cruel as the one before that.

Thoughts about Harry were prominent as ever. Louis' mind seemed to think his friend would be the best topic to think about.

Louis was afraid of that topic, there were so many things left unanswered, left unsaid.

He still had to go back home and face Harry and listen to everything Harry had to say. Louis estimated it would be a lot, since Louis never told him he's not coming home; and since Louis had been ignoring any call or text from Harry since he came home two weeks ago.

And those two weeks have been absolute hell. Louis thought living outside of the hospital would be easy and the hospital itself was the worst part of recovery but oh god, he was wrong.

He noticed it was hard to eat as much as he should when no nurses were around to remind him. Of course his mum had an eye on him but she still had to work and Louis caught himself liking not being watched and not necessarily having to eat more than once.

And Louis noticed he had the urge to inflict pain on himself again, but so far he was able to keep these thoughts under control.

Louis spent a lot of time with his family although he still avoided going to town, in fear fans might see him and ask questions.

That was another thing Louis worried about – going back on stage after being MIA for so long. How should he explain it? He didn't want to worry anyone.

Louis let out a long sigh before he grabbed his phone and his headphones. Maybe music would help him to drown his mind out.

***

"There's a hole in my heart where you used to be."

Harry wasn't doing any better. Ever since Liam and Zayn left the flat he had been incredibly lonely.

The band had nowhere to be lately and Louis had been ignoring any attempt of Harry to reach out with him.

And Harry wasn't in the mood to hang out with Zayn, Liam or Niall. All they did was tell Harry how he fucked up. That Harry was suffering himself, that Harry felt bad enough or that Harry had no way of knowing anything was completely ignored and forgotten.

Right now Harry was sitting in the living room. The TV was turned on, showing some movie about animals living in the desert, not that Harry was watching it.

He was sitting there, holding his phone in his hand. Harry was scrolling through Louis' and his chat, re-reading every message he had sent for the thousandth time. Maybe he said something wrong and it upset Louis.

The last time he replied was Louis telling Harry he safely arrived in Doncaster. Everything Harry received after this was silence.

It was tearing Harry up inside. He just wanted to help Louis, but he didn't even know he he was feeling.

Was Louis getting better?

Was Louis still struggling badly and needed help?

For all Harry knew Louis could either be spending his time sitting in the sun and getting a tan, or they realised he wasn't fit for the outside world and Louis was laying in his hospital bed once again.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and tapped the little call icon again, holding his phone against his hear. He listened to the all too familiar dial tune, but then his heart skipped a beat when it suddenly stopped and the other side of the line rustled.

"Louis?!" Harry said excitedly, but was interrupted just as quickly.

"Please stop calling, Harry," Louis then said in a raspy voice, sounding more tired than ever. The line went dead almost immediately after Louis had spoken.

Harry lowered his phone again, not knowing if he should be happy or not. At least Louis was alive, but he definitely didn't sound okay.

***

Tears slipped out of Louis' eyes as soon as he ended the call, and a sob escaped his lips soon after that.

Hearing Harry's voice fucked something inside of Louis' brain. All he could think of was how he was at the wrong place and this isn't home.

It used to be, but it felt wrong to Louis. He slipped out of the bed and reached for his suitcase.

He needed to go home.

To his real home.

***

I finally managed to update this book, I've had a lot going on :) but the next chapter will be good, I've got plans already hehe

On an other note – does pink hair look good on me or not I have heard mixed things from my friends and I need neutral opinions

((I don't want to hear anything about the filter))