Two Fish

thirty two || elver

Elver breathed in deeply – the smell of sick had been replaced with a harsh bleach, a smell Elver had always liked. He didn’t bother with his hair. He couldn’t stand all those gel infused hairstyles that boys his age seemed to love. The kitchen table was a mass of bills and unopened letters. There was no point writing a note – nobody would find it. He stumbled out of the door, almost falling flat on his face as he tripped over a pile of dirty wellies. He had planned to go shopping for his mother’s upcoming forty-eighth birthday, but he had no fake ID and she loved her wine. It would have to be something clichéd like chocolate.

He enjoyed the walk to town, and for a second he thought about asking Alaska if she wanted to come, but he realised it would sound desperate – they had seen each-other enough that week.  He reached the main square and went straight into the little perfume shop on the end. He had no clue what women liked – maybe it would have been best to invite Alaska after all. He perched awkwardly at the edge of the perfume cabinet, examining all the different bottles. He had to stop his eyebrows from shooting up when he saw the prices. The lady behind the counter, an overly made up women in her twenties, sauntered over with such a bright smile, Elver thought it might blind him.

“Hi, can I help you?” she said, thrusting her chest forward. Elver was shocked at how confident she was. She wore a top that stopped at her belly button and such a short skirt that he dared not look below her waist. The tag, fastened to her breast pocket, presented her as Shanna the store manager.

“Um, er, I, er, I don’t know,” Elver mumbled, moving his gaze away from her fake lashed eyes.

“Well, let me help you,” she said, moving so close that Elver swore he could see every pore in her face.

“Um, er, ok, thanks,” Elver said, wishing he had thought to decide on the perfume before he arrived.

“So,” she started, pouting her lips and leaning back to grab  the keys to the cabinet, her gaze still fixed on Elver. “What are you looking for?”

“I, er, don’t know,”  Elver said hopelessly, a raspberry coloured blush spreading over his face.

“Well, who are you getting it for?” she asked, licking her lips and almost tripping over her neon pink stiletto heels.

“My, er, mum,” Elver said, only realising after he said it how uncool it sounded.

“Ok, well, you could try this.” She leaned forward, the top showing off too much cleavage. She struggled to get a grip on the bottle with her extended red  nails.  She twisted the cap off the glass jar and took Elver’s wrist. He felt a little tingle as the liquid landed on his skin. He lifted his arm up to sniff, and had to stop himself from gagging. It smelt like cheap tat, something that the girls of his year drenched themselves in.

“I’m, er, not sure it’s right for her,” Elver said as politely as he could. The lady looked a little annoyed. Her charm obviously wasn’t working as well as it normally did. She suddenly switched her smile back on.

“No matter, try this one,” she said, flicking her unnatural extensions over one streaky shoulder.

“Ok.” She reached to the back of the cabinet and clasped a tacky gold bottle. Elver had to hide his look of disgust. She  took his other wrist and sprayed. Elver, with hope in his heart, sniffed. He forced a polite smile.

“I, er, think I, er, should come, um, back later,” Elver muttered, reaching for something to say. “I need to, um, er, talk about it, ur, with my, um … wife.” And with that he glanced at the lady’s disgusted face and rushed out, almost laughing out loud. An idea suddenly popped into his head. With a spring in his step, he started on a fast walk to Alaska’s house.

He rang the doorbell and she opened.

“Oh. Hi,” she said.

“Hi, listen, Alaska, I’ve just been to the perfume shop to buy mum a present for her birthday.” Elver grinned and then burst out laughing, spilling out the rest of the story in a blur. “You said you had a wife?” Alaska asked, giggling like a hyena. Elver couldn’t stop his hysterical tears. Alaska’s eyes shone.

“I could be your wife.” Alaska said suddenly, then blushed. “Sorry, that sounds a bit weird, I mean, I could be your fake wife, it would be a laugh.”

Elver nodded, bent double in hysterics.

“Yes!” he said, through chokes of laughter. Alaska smiled and took his hand.

“Let’s go confuse a tart.”