Shy and Free™ A Book that Transforms Shyness

Principles that Transform Shyness

What is Shyness?

Shyness is a label placed on us by others or ourselves. Labels do not explain a person, they place a person in a category and it is important to remember that labels and categories are not the person. Shyness is not the complete you. The point of this site is that regardless of how you define yourself or others define you, you are more than that and regardless of any label, you can take action and become whole and happy.

Shyness can be also viewed as caring too much what others think of us. What is the difference between shyness, social anxiety, and insecurity? In reality, these terms are artificially created categories which help to understand behavior — the similarities between the categories are more important than the differences. The term shyness is used on this web site as a broad category covering being shy, quiet, insecure, and/or socially anxious.

Moving Toward Happiness

Moving toward something will bring you success and happiness. Trying to get rid of something only keeps you stuck. You could spend a lifetime answering the questions "How can I overcome my shyness?" and "What causes shyness?" While this would be an interesting exploration, nothing would change.

Change

What part of you wants to change? It can't be shy part because its purpose is to protect you. If it is not the shy part that wants to change, then there must be others parts of you yearning to be set free.

Change occurs when you can recognize the shy part of you and, at the same time, the other parts. Being totally identified with the shy part is extremely painful. The shy part can't see how not to be shy, only the other parts of yourself can.

The more you try to change or get rid of your shyness, the more your shyness is reinforced. This is why approaches for "conquering" shyness tend to fail. Shy and Free™ was the first site to outline a different approach, one based on transformation. The more you are in touch with other parts of yourself, the freer you are to express the whole you and experience changes in your life.

The Many Parts of You

We all are made up of many parts (sub-personalities, tendencies, gifts, talents, potentials, etc.) Shyness is just one part of you. While shyness may be leading you now, what about all the other parts? Do you remember moments of adventure, curiosity, courageousness, creativity, or joy? These memories could be recent or from childhood and show that you are much more than your shyness.

Good and Bad Parts?

There are not good and bad parts of you, all parts of you are acting in your best interest. Part of your journey is to discover what good each part is trying to do for you. Understanding the shy part can direct you to happiness and finding your true purpose in life once you truly learn to listen non-judgmentally.

Finding the Real You

What is the real you? How many of your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs come from your parents, your culture, and your past experience? What beliefs do you hold that are self and life affirming? What beliefs do you hold that are judgmental and critical?

What would happen if the real you were in touch with all the parts of yourself? Ideas on this site will help you explore the other parts of yourself, the parts that are not shy and this will lead to finding the real you, the center of all the parts. After all, you are here searching for an answer which shows that you are more than your shyness. The foundation of the idea that we are made up from many parts comes from the transpersonal psychologists, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr. Piero Ferrucci who wrote What We May Be which is about psychosynthesis from the work of Dr. Roberto Assagioli.

Extraordinary Effort is Required by You

Ordinary effort alone is not enough to transform shyness. Ordinary effort gives you ordinary results. Gurdjieff said that unless we take extraordinary effort, we will quickly return to a robot-like self. Following the ideas presented here is not easy but through making every possible effort, success can be achieved.

How to Know What to Do?

The next section on the Process  of Transforming Shyness will help you understand yourself and determine areas to work on that will help you address shyness.