Trying to Throw my Arms Around the World

The stairmaster

The stairmaster

First, she made me run so hard on the treadmill that I couldn’t speak for five minutes afterwards, then she put me on the stairmaster and began her speech.

“I don’t know what it is about you, Lee. But I was drawn to you from the beginning.” I was glad I wasn’t able to reply. I also needed to save my breath because I had one more hour to go. “I tried to ignore it at first, be professional about it, but two hours every weekday is a lot and I’m only human.” This would be my first love confession on the stairmaster. “I made you sweat and curse. I caused you pain in body parts you didn’t even know existed. If I remember correctly, and I believe I do, I think I even made you cry one time. But still, the attraction remained.” I heard her pace around me, but I kept my gaze firmly fixed on the steps gliding away below my feet. “So yeah, when I got the chance, I jumped at the opportunity. Why not, right? That’s what life’s about. Taking a calculated risk now and again.” If she kept me going at this speed I would pass out before she could finish her speech. “And it went well last Thursday. I mean, you’re easy, Lee. Really easy. There was nothing to it. So I was hopeful. I was already daydreaming of sweaty post-work-out sex in the locker room.” I looked up for the first time but I was afraid to ask for a slower rhythm. “But five minutes into that dinner party and I knew what the deal was. That’s why I joined Lou on the balcony. I needed to make sure, even though it was pretty clear from the start. She wanted you and you wanted her, and little old Joan here was instantly reduced to the fifth wheel.” I was about to have an out-of-body experience. I could already see myself puffing away on that horrendous machine while Joan stalked beside me, rambling away. “That’s why I don’t blame you, Lee. It was my own weakness I despised. I didn’t want to see you anymore.” She finally stopped the machine. “But, you presented me with a choice and now I’m going to give you one.”

“OK,” I panted. “Whatever you want.” I sank to the floor.

“That doesn’t mean you can sit though. Get up.” I obliged. As agonising as my sessions with Joan were, it was either that or lose my job. “Time for my favourite. Wall squats. Come on, I’ll do them with you.” It was extra difficult to keep my back against the wall because my t-shirt was so drenched it kept sliding down. “If you want to keep me as your trainer and, apparently, also if you want to keep your job, I’m going to ask you for a favour.” She talked as if she was sitting in the most comfortable chair instead of relying on her thigh muscles to keep her in position. “All I ask for−” She stood up and towered over me. My legs were shaking like the most brittle leaves in the wind. “−is one night with you.” This time I sank to the floor with no intention of getting back up again. “That’s reasonable, don’t you think?” I looked up and hoped to see a silly smirk plastered across her face, one that said that this was just a sick joke, but her lips were as pursed together as ever and her expression was dead serious. “I have some new toys I want to try on you.”

To be continued…