Past Lovers

Past Lovers. 18

After a long drive, we finally arrived at 357 Beach Road, otherwise known as my old house. The quaint beach house looked the same, slightly worn from over the years of bad weather, but still beautiful and airy. 

The inside looked the same too. The same photographs, artwork, furniture; exactly the way I left it so many years ago. There was something missing though -- my father. But of course, since his death, I always felt like something was missing. I don't know how my mother was able to live without him, especially in his home. 

After putting my bags in my old bedroom, I crept into his office study. It still had that old familiar stench of his Cuban cigars and Irish whiskey. Releasing a deep exhale, I slid into his leather desk chair. Stroking the arms of the chair, I choked back the tears, and spun his old antique globe around a few times.

Being here, in California, made me miss him more than ever before.

My mother wasn't kidding when she said she had a big dinner prepared for us. I forgot how much I loved her cooking. Just for us three, she made a full roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, broccoli, salad, and an apple pie. It rivaled a Thanksgiving Dinner.

I swear, our dinner could feed an entire tribe. 

A few bottles of red wine were shared among us as we feasted at the dining table on the porch facing the ocean. We laughed throughout the dinner, sharing  new stories and reminiscing of our past. I couldn't remember the last time I was this happy. How could I not be happy as a clam though? I was in the most beautiful state in the country, with the two most beautiful women in my life.

Letting the wind tousle my hair,  I broke my attention away from the conversation and focused on the waves. They poured in, then pulled out, whistling their calming tune. The sun was beginning to dip lower and lower into the sky, slowly embracing the water's horizon.

Once everyone was finished eating, we sat around enjoying the weather and each other's company. Hayden wanted to lay down for a bit, tired and jet lagged, giving my mother and I some alone time.

"So how are you two?" My mother asked, once Hayden was out of sight.

I knew this question was bound to come up. Of course, our situation was tricky, and the answer my mother was looking for was not simple.

"We're good," I muttered, taking a sip from my glass. "We're better than we were a few months ago. We're taking it slow."

"And what does that mean?" My mother raised her perfectly arched eyebrow at me. "Are you friends? Are you more than friends?"

I shrugged. 'We're both. How could we just be friends? We we're married for three years, and dating for forever. We haven't been just friends since we were seventeen." 

My mother nodded. "Of course. But does she want to be more? Does she still love you and want to spend the rest of her life with you again?"

"I don't know." I paused, and looked down at my empty plate. "I mean, of course, I want more. But she's so hard to read. I can't tell anymore. We're such different people now." All of a sudden the words started to gush out of me. For the first time in months, I was verbally expressing myself without a pen, and I just couldn't stop.

"She does these little things, like holds my hands, or wants me to put her arm around her. And she still looks at me the same way. She still wants me there to comfort her, she still wants me to protect her. I still make her laugh, I still make her smile, but I can't tell, I just can't tell. She won't say anything, she won't make the first move. Naturally, I guess, since I'm the guy, I'm supposed to make the first move. But I'm scared to. I don't want to push her away. I already managed to do that once before. I can't do that again, I won't allow myself. If I can't have her in my life as my wife, I want her in my life as my best friend. But I'll never stop loving her. I don't know why, I am so captivated by her. She can be so difficult, so bossy, so emotional, and I shouldn't tolerate it, I shouldn't love it. But I do. All of her quirks, her ticks, her flaws just make me love her more."

My mother waited patiently, nodding her head along and let me finish. And when I was done, all she said was: "It sounds like she still loves you, but she's scared too."

That was all I needed to hear. That was the truth. That was the voice in the back of my head that I wanted to believe. And now that my mother confirmed it, I could.

I helped my mother clean up, gave her a kiss, then snuck into the guest room, where Hayden was sleeping. I slowly opened the door, and peaked in to see Hayden fast asleep and at peace. Not for long though...

Getting a running start, I leaped onto her bed and jumped ontop of her. 

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" I bounced.

She groaned, her eyes still closed. "No, get off!"

"No, get up!"

She pushed me away, and pulled a pillow over her face. "Five more minutes, Mom."

"No, now," I grabbed onto her waist. "Don't make me tickle you."

"Don't," she cried.

Her plea was not enough. Forcefully, I tickled her tummy lightly with my fingers. She giggled and laughed until she couldn't breathe.

"Okay okay," she gave in, finally opening her eyes. Her hair was slightly messy, and her eyes were still worn and tired, but she looked beautiful. "Whatever you just got me up for better be good."

"Oh it is," I grinned, with a twinkle in my eye.

 I needed my mother's pep-talk. I knew exactly what I wanted...needed to do.

Jay Gatsby once said 'Can't repeat the past? Of course you can."

And although his words were considered a mockery and foolish, I believed him. You can't repeat the past, but you can recreate the past. To either re-live the future, or re-write it. 

"We're going for a boat ride."

***
Okay there ya go!! I tried to make it a bit longer, but I am trying to keep the pace. This next chapter is gonna be a good one. Oh you better believe it. Remember the last time they took a boat ride in Childhood Lovers

The story is still going but we're getting closer and closer to the end. I hope you guys are okay with that, but I'd say we've got maybe 5-7 more chapters to go!

A little bit more drama, but there has been so much drama through the whole story, that I think it's time we throw in some good stuff..

Well leave your love. And check out my new story "The Bad Boy's Game" I promise if you love my writing, you'll love it too!!