Black Secrets & White Lies [On Hold]

Chapter 3 - Relentless Tears

I raked my brown hair out of my face as the wind blew it into my eyes and opened my Maths book, staring at the numbers swimming around on the page. I yawned and began to scribble down a calculation. This was how I loved spending my lunch, you know? A nice lot of homework. Not that I had any friends to sit with.

"Hey Rosie." Great. He'd already adopted a nick-name for me.

"Hi Liam," I smiled.

"You can copy mine, if you want." He said, nodding at my homework.

"Oh, no." I shook my head, "it's fine. I need to learn. Is this right?" I gestured to number four with my left hand.

"What've you done to your hand?" Liam's eyes widened at the bandage going across my palm.

"My knife slipped cooking dinner." The lie came easily, slipping out like the truth. I was so good at lying, it scared me.

"Space case, I bet you completely zoned out and started chopping up your own hand." Liam rolled his eyes but then became serious "looks like some cut. Does it hurt?"

I shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant "a bit. It was worse yesterday."

"You need stitches?"

"Don't know, I'll see how it heals." I wanted to get off the conversation as quickly as possible "number four?" I pointed again and Liam leaned over.

"Looks right..." he said, his eyes scanning the page. Then he looked up again "you should get checked out by a doctor. Sometimes cuts don't look too bad, but they're really deep."

"I'm fine, Liam. It's nothing to worry about. It'll be gone before you know it. See, I've got my bandage on and my antiseptic cream, I'm looking after it. I've had a lot of cuts and things before, I know what I'm doing."

"Oh?" Said Liam. Me and my stupid mouth, this was exactly the thing I needed to avoid.

"Yeah, I'm accident prone." It wasn't exactly a lie, accidents seemed to happen to me but it was only because I brought them upon myself, went to the wrong places. I rubbed my sleep deprived brown eyes and stifled another yawn.

"Late night?"

"Couldn't sleep and anyway, stop worrying over me. Who are you, my dad?"

"Fine, fine. Next time you fall over I'll just stand and laugh instead of asking if you're alright."

"Next time? I haven't fallen over yet" I raised an eyebrow.

"You must have fallen over before because you said it yourself, you're accident prone."

"I suppose I did, didn't I?" I stuffed my maths book in my bag and rested my chin on my right hand, leaving my left loosely in my lap. I stared at all the kids at my school. So carefree. So ignorant to things going on. Oh, what I'd give to be like them. Ignorance is bliss, it's just a shame I never got to know that feeling.

"You should come and meet my friends." Said Liam "you don't seem to talk to anyone."

"Oh, it's fine. I'm fine." I said, brushing him off.

"No it's not fine and you won't be fine once people see you as a loner. People aren't all smiles and kind words you know."

"I know." I said, my voice hard. Liam looked at me quizzically as I said "most people aren't."

*****

"I thought you were my friend!" I yelled, my voice cracking under the strain of emotions swallowing me. Eating me.

"Maybe I was at one point." Craig shrugged and then laughed "no, I don't think I was. I used you. Get used to it. Because most people take what they can get and throw it away when they have to." He slapped me across the face. My cheek burned. My eyes watered. "Stop being such a girl and grow up." He spat at my feet "tears won't make it better, they only show weakness." He slapped me again "defeat."

"Please..." I whispered.

"You were stupid enough to take me back, to let me in again. You forgave me," Craig laughed harshly, his eyes grew cold "when are you going to learn, Rosie? I don't deserve your forgiveness. I'm a bad person," I slithered to the floor as he kicked me, crying out in pain. Craig bent down, putting his head close to mine "I might be bad, Rose, but at least I'm not stupid. At least I'm not weak." He paused, allowing the information to sink in "you have so much to learn, so much to see. One day you'll get it. You'll know what I've been telling you all this time. Now," he smirked "are you going to give me what you owe me, or do I have to take it?"

*****

There are two types of people in this world. The strong and the weak. I was weak for so long...for so long I was pushed around. It took me a long time to realise I had to toughen up. I had to put on a cold exterior to people. To push them away.

But it's hard.

I can't hide my real feelings. I'm still so weak. So afraid. I jump at the shadows, I run from people.

"I miss you so much, Matt." I sobbed, tears raining down on my desk "I miss you so much. I can't do this anymore. I need you...your help." I stood at my window and stared out, lights blurred as fresh tears welled in my eyes. "I can't be afraid anymore. I've been scared so long it hurts. It hurts so much." I crouched in a corner of my dark room. The lights were off. I was alone.

Like always.

Nothing changes.

The lights are always off. I'm always alone. Cold. So cold...

I cradled my injured hand, tears still running down my face. I'm so weak. So horribly weak, I thought, trying to pull myself together. But I couldn't. I just couldn't. After a while, sleep took me where dreams would haunt my mind, my soul and body.

Where is my peace?

*****

A/N: I'm doing so well! Chapter 3 already - this will stop soon, I warn you. Don't get too used to it haha ;) I'm rarely a consistent updater and am surprised at my progress. So, love it or hate it? Thanks for reading, the support and...stuff ;) I'd love to hear your thoughts!