The List in The Butterfly Notebook *On Hold

The Reading Aloud of the List

Three days had passed since my midnight swim and the list had remained untouched hidden under my pillow. With every day that went by the closer we were to the inevitable. The less time I would have to complete the list.

It was breakfast and my brothers. Daniel and Theodor, my tata and me were seated around the island in the centre of our kitchen. It was silent the only sound being the washing machine as its first cycle came to an end.

There were four dirty plates stacked in the centre of the granite worktop an empty fruit bowl stood by their side. We had been sat in this awkward silence for around five minutes now and my brain was beginning to crave the sound of voices.

I slammed my glass down on the table some of the contents splashing on to the surface creating tiny puddles of orange liquid. I pushed my stool backwards and stood up before leaving the room and making my way up the narrow carpeted staircase.

I padded along the landing until I reached the door to my parents bedroom. There was nothing special about the door itself but what lay behind it was magnificent, a large brightly painted room with vintage furniture and photographs in fancy frames covering the surfaces. I prized it open gently hoping I wouldn't wake my mama who was laying in what looked to be a peaceful slumber.

I made my way around to my mama's side of the bed and collapsed into the faded pink arm chair. I would sit and watch her as her chest moved up and down for hours when I was younger, I'd done it the most when I was twelve when I'd wanted to have some quality time with her, to tell her about school and the other exciting things going on in my life that she had missed out on. However, now it was more to reassure myself that she was still alive, that she hadn't forgotten how to breathe and of course she never had, not yet anyway.

I sat there for an hour looking intently at her face this time rather that her chest, she was a lot paler than before partly because of illness and partly because of the fact she hadn't seen the sun for quite a while, only out of a window. I didn't speak while I was there nor did I hold her hand. I just watched, watched her breathing.

I soon heard the sound of someone climbing the stairs the middle steps creaking under their feet.I stood up slowly and made my way back on to the landing leaving the door open for my tata who was by no doubt going to spend time with my mama.

I tiptoed my way back down the hallway and eased open my bedroom door before resting my bum on the edge of my bed which for the first time in a long time was neatly made.

I lifted my pillow and pulled out my notebook flicking through the pages. Once I had found the list I began to read it aloud to myself.

"Number One" I spoke softly my voice slightly shaky "Swim in the sea at midnight. Number two, read the Bible. Number three, busk on the street, own a dog, score a hole in one, do graffiti, knit something, climb a tree, learn to juggle." T stopped for a moment and began to think about just how simple these things were, about how many of them I had already done. I started to continue my voice now more of a whisper, "Spend twenty four hours awake, build a campfire, watch a sunset, own a pointless collection, visit the zoo, catch a fish, learn to say I love you in twenty five different languages, fly a homemade kite, go stargazing and learn some constellations, play Monopoly for twelve hours at once, send a message in a bottle, leave my handprint in wet cement, sell some art, write a letter and send it to a random address and bake a cake and leave it on a strangers doorstep."

I took a deep breath and glanced back over the list, I needed to get cracking if I was going to finish it in the three and half months we now had left, in the three and a half months we had before 'it' happened.