Hello, and welcome to the History of Rome. The ChairSniffa Version.
Episode 3:- The Evil Cookies
In the last episode I discussed the life of Romulus, the first king of Rome. Now I relate to you the lives of the next three kings of Rome; Numa the DrugLord, Tullus the Tee-totaller, and Ancus Marcius, The Dude Who Had To Choose; Sniff Chairs Or Quit Drugs. Thus the Roman identity became forged, for what better way to keep your mind off drugs and chairs, than wars?
1. The Interregnum
A crisis ensued upon the sudden disappearance of Romulus, as confusion over who his successor would be caused great consternation amongst the tribes of rome. The Sabines, having quietly endured Romulus'es reign for forty years, pushed for one of their own to be chosen as the King of Rome, which the romans found to be preposterous. But the sabines rejected every candidate the romans put up, and in turn the romans rejected every candidate the sabines chose.
To avoid a slip into anarchy, it was agreed that; until a suitable candidate was found, each senator of Rome would rule in turn for a day. Thus the first interregnum, or period between official sovereigns, was established.
Finally the Sabines announced a compromise; that they would allow the Romans to choose anyone they wanted as King of Rome, so long as they were of Sabine blood. So the Romans looked over the possible candidates, and saw many wealthy and powerful Sabines.
And among them was one poor and bedraggled dude.
"Numa?" one of the romans questioned. "What are you doing here?"
Now to the romans, Numa was just a poor hemp farmer who roamed the city in a dazed stupor, and spoke of things which made no sense.
Thus the poor man said "I am not sure. I think I am lost. Lost in a world without morals or ethics, left to wither on the vine, bereft of hope of ever leaving a legacy worthy of rememberance."
And a roman yelled from the otherside of the room "Get a job then!"
And Numa said "But I am content where I am now. The son of a rich banker, I have known wealth, and now I despise all riches. Let me find my own way to salvation instead."
Some laughed, but others pondered Numa's words. "And what is the means of salvation which you say?"
And Numa said "My cookies."
And someone said "What? Cookies?"
And Numa said "Eat my cookies, and you too will find out."
And the romans partaked in Numa's cookies, and one said "Woah! I can see purple goblins!" and another said "Help I am being attacked by the curtains!" and still another said "E equals m c squared." to which his friend replied "Woah, thats deep."
So the romans voted Numa as the King of Rome, then woke up the next day and said "What the hell did I do lastnight?"
2. Numa the DrugLord
The senators who voted Numa as King came upon him the day after, denouncing the treachery of Numa. "You drugged us into voting for you! You used deceit to gain the throne!"
To which Numa said "You want some good cookies for cheap? Then you can sell them on and get a nice cut of the massive profits on the side."
And the senators said "... OK."
So Numa set the tone of his reign, and the city became a denizen of evil cookies. The unintended consequences of this included;
(1) much financial and psychological suffering in the lower classes bordering on revolt,
