Status: Man, about time I changed this! (1 year ago)

chairsniffa

Name	Duane
Location	Melbourne
Birthday	Nov 22
Member Since	Sep 09, 2010
Votes Received	1,197
Profile Page

Description :- Tall, dark, and ugly. Getting fat :0 Need a haircut and shave. Aborist (climb trees with a chainsaw). Just got married and have managed to cope being a new dad. Specialises in avoiding housework, losing wallets, keeping toilet lids up and driving like a granny in the city as I am a country bloke raised in the outback. Likes making screaming motorists scream even more by smiling and waving at them, beeping the car horn accidentally and then waving at random people, flushing the toilet as I pee and timing the moment my peeing ends and the flushing finishes with perfect precision, saying when asked to borrow 50 dollars "20 dollars? What do you want 10 bucks for?", and finding my wallet. Hates when my brother talks to me nonchalantly in a crowd saying "I just farted again and will pretend I am just talking to you about something random to make it look like it wasn't me." Objective :- 2000 characters on profil
Weirdest Short Story I Have Ever Read
A young girl grows up in an orphanage having never known her parents. She was born in 1945 in postwar Europe. Her life is really hard. At 16 she meets a boy, falls in love, and six months later is pregnant. The boy disappears and she is heartbroken. When she gives birth her daughter is taken away from her and disappears. Again she is heartbroken and in 1962 a druggie and severely depressed she strikes up a conversation with an old man bartending his little pub.
Now the story gets weird. The old man says he is a time traveller and says I can make you a time traveller and go on great adventures. But you have to do this. Then the old man takes her into the 21st century to have a sex change, then they go back to 1961 and "he" impregnates herself after a six month romance and then goes nine months into the future, takes the baby and puts it in an orphage in post war Europe He then does many time travel adventures and retires an old man in a bar, 1962 Yes. He is his own father and mother

Works

Trinity

8 parts / 18 pages, updated Oct 13, 2011 PG-13

Shadow is a mute young girl who knows everything. Written from her point of view, this is a story that pits the forces of Destiny incarnate against the power of Free Will. Who wins ... read more

6,311 reads

213

373

The History Of Rome : The Chairsniffa Version

3 parts / 14 pages, updated Oct 08, 2011 PG-13

tags / funny history rome

580 reads

The Last Swagman's Son

2 parts / 5 pages, updated Aug 19, 2011 PG-13

After the tragic murder of his father by loggers, Jimmy Duggans pledges his life to a fanatical crime spree that will plunge Australia into an eco terrorist revolu... read more

234 reads

Sitting Down With The ChairSniffa

3 parts / 13 pages, updated May 02, 2011

Are you prepared to be asked highly personalised interview questions? That delve into your mind and life like no other interviewer has ever done before? Then let me provide you a chair......

1,497 reads

The Last Human

14 parts / 17 pages, updated Mar 26, 2011 PG-13

It is the year 2087. The Last Human has been on the run for twenty years and is finally captured by the victorious alien conquerors, The Stellaris. He is brought before a cou... read more

23,584 reads

315

221

The Normal One

3 parts / 6 pages, updated Mar 13, 2011

A normal person goes to W.E. Eard School and discovers W.E. Eard if said as a single word, sounds like weird. Which is an apt description for this school child prodigy's!

827 reads

The Life And Times Of A ChairSniffa

4 parts / 5 pages, updated Jan 02, 2011

I am ChairSniffa, and I am a ChairSniffaholic. Please help me.

1,951 reads

130

Dream Academy

12 parts / 13 pages, updated Dec 31, 2010 PG-13

Jaycee and a select few in her town, are chosen by a mysterious teacher to attend Dream Academy when they fall asleep. Here they learn how to master their dreams, and enter th... read more

7,586 reads

230

353

The City

5 parts / 8 pages, updated Dec 29, 2010

A different post apocalypse story. A modern australian city has gone back in time to the pre-european days.

2,267 reads

Mr Scrooge of Australia

8 parts / 8 pages, updated Dec 24, 2010

Done in bush poetry style, just in time for christmas:) Merry Christmas everyone:)

2,608 reads

166

214

show more (11)

chairsniffa's Reading List

Short Stories - Volume 1

4,097 reads

The Aspect War

1,733 reads

LeftXRight

4,684 reads

Message Board

LadyOfTheNight
3 weeks ago

hello there mighty chairsniffa .. it's bee a while hasn't it ^^ ... ahh don't you dare say you've forgotten me ... you never would cos you love my chair and wanted to steal it from me since the first time we met on wattpad 

but really it's been what? one year ?? i guess that sounds about right
and i see you're as popular as ever ... cos you're chairsniffingfreakishly awesome ^^
arg i just remember that you told me something i wanted to write a book about ... but i never got the time for that .. but someday i really will write a book about the ideas you told me

greetings to the amazingly awesome chairsniffa
from the
 Lady of the Night
^_^

xenxic99
3 weeks ago

Wow....the story in your 'about me' sure is strange...talk about paradox....!

Frakkevin
2 months ago

@JohnS_2  i know, hes awesome

writingpassion
2 months ago

Hope theres something great keeping you from wattpad... :) 
Be well.
~Love ya!

Ell_and_Claud
4 months ago

If you need covers for any of your stories you can message me/inbox me at my personal Wattpad account@Claudia_Ki . I'd be happy to make some for you! That goes for anyone else who is reading this and needs a cover for their story (:

LunaFire
7 months ago

Sniffing chairs? 
a new way to get high?
well america! ill be damned

writingpassion
1 year ago

Hello there again my awesome aussie :)
Looks like you haven't been around so long...

I came here because I read a story, and it reminded me of the one above. :D 
Although its miniscule in weirdness compared to yours, but anyway, I decided to share it with you. 

There was a man named David who was his own grandfather.

There was a widow [Anne] and her daughter [Jane], and a man [George] and his son [Henry]. The widow married the son, and the daughter married the father. The widow was therefore mother [in law] to her husband’s father, and grandmother to her own husband. By this husband she had a son [David], to whom she was also great-grandmother. Now, the son of a great-grandmother must be grandfather or grand-uncle to the person to whom his mother was great-grandmother; but Anne was great-grandmother to him [David]. Therefore David is his own grandfather.

Lol. Isn't it? 
Reply when you.. uh, whenever you get to see it.
May God be with you.
Bye~

missbloodworth
1 year ago

Hey can u help me?

writingpassion
1 year ago

Hewo.
Miss you.
Been so long.
Too long I guess.
Hope you're doing fine.
Hope your kid's fine too. :)
May God bless you & your family.
 

If you still remember.






SPAM!


:D Love you!