He Took Me Home

I Won't Lose You

I couldn't handle it. 

I slammed my finger into the power button and waited the painful and dreadful miliseconds for the screen to go black before I errupted in a fit of sobs. I fell off the chair and wrapped my arms around my self as I rolled into a ball on the floor. I felt like I needed to throw up. Like everything was spinning, I felt dizzy. A rollarcoaster. That's what this was, and I was spinning. Up and down. Left and right. Whizzing into oblivion.

My mother was dead.

I felt like a part of me shrivelled up with her.  

Seconds ago I could picture her face. Her milky white skin. Flawless and beautiful. Ful pink lips and sea blue eyes. Now, knowing she was six feet under. My image of her was fading into little more than nothing. She was nothing but a shadow. I couldn't even see the smile I conjured on her face anymore.

"No!" I cried out and grasped at the image, "Mom please don't leave me! Don't leave me all alone!" I cried out. 

The firey red hair was fading as she got farther away but I could hear her gentle calming voice. "Your not alone Little One. He's coming for you," she said soothingly.

Her figure became even more faint until I could barely see her at all. Her memory was even leaving my thoughts. Like the information of her demise tore her from me in every way possible. 

"Mom! No I need you! Mom please!" I begged but she was gone. She was nothing.

He's coming for you.

It was like a whisper in the wind. The feeble words repeated in my head over and over.  I didn't know what it meant. I must be going a little nuts. I mean, I was just screaming at an image in my head to not leave me. An image I'd made of a mother I never met. 

I rolled over on my stomach and did something I really needed to do. 

I threw up.

And threw up.

And threw up.

Until my convulsions where nothing but pointless dry heaves. I collapsed off to the side and let the tears roll onto the floor. I had not a sound left in me to make. I wasn't really even all that sure why the realisation that the mother I had never met, was destined to never meet me had upset  me so much. It almost felt like a kick in the gut.

Maybe because I was excited to finally even know something about her. And about me. I had three siblings out there somewhere waiting for me to find them. Two brothers and a sister.  I didn't even know their names or how to search for them. Where they put up for adoption like me? If so, why? The website said our parents where married, why would they give me and possibly, my siblings up? 

I thought back to the website, it said my mother would be 35 this year. I am 18 years old. If I did the math correctly that would mean my mother was about 17 when I was born.  Well that would explain it. She was too young to be having one child, much less four. That was why she put us up. Not because she didn't love up, but because she had to. 

No one can support four kids at seventeen. It just wouldn't be in the cards for her, but then again... what about my father? Where was he in all of this mess? How did he handle having four children at such a young age? Was he alive- or dead? 

I suddenly sat up and wiped my mouth. I was hungry for more knowledge. Maybe if my father was alive he could tell me more about my mother and help me find my siblings. I could see the path laid out infront of me now. I needed to find my father somehow. 

I turned the commputer back on and the website was still up. I flinched, seeing the screen again. I closed the tab and went back to the Search bar. I typed to my Father's name.  Jameson 'Jaime' Alexander Rodrick Kailum. And pressed Enter.