My Cancer Story

Part 7 - Do's and Don't's 1 - Remember and admire

This is one of the most important things of my story. At least to me. It really affects me and I think about this a lot. And I think that everyone can relate to this and learn something out of it. Please comment if this chapter helped you! I would love to hear your opinions about it!

Thanks again :) xx

Part 7 - Do's and Don't's  

When it comes to meeting someone with cancer or someone who has beaten cancer, you have to respect and to pay attention to different things. 

Here are some things that I've experienced and that I didn't like. Some things still happen and I want you to know that you have to be careful what you say and do.  

Again, this is my opinion and experience, but I have the feeling that many other young people who suffer or suffered cancer know what I mean. 

1.  Remember and admire

Let me start this off with a little story. I know someone who suffers depression. Really bad depression and she even had to go to hospital because of them. She sometimes even started to cry in the middle of a lesson in school and had to go home. Later the doctors found out that something is damaged in her brain which causes those bad feelings and she has to see a psychologist regularly.  

Because all those things happened during school time, many people knew about it; many of her friends, many other girls who wanted to help and of course the teachers. When she was in school everyone treated her very nice and sometimes someone baked a cake and things like that.  

Because she is one of my friends, she often comes to me and talks about how bad she feels and that her life is so miserable and terrible. 

I feel sorry for her, sure. But has everyone forgotten what a terrible time I went through? Why did nobody threat ME like that? I don't want to be the center of attention and I don't want sympathy, but because nearly my whole story took place in summer holidays, nobody knew.  

I wrote some SMS to my friends with the diagnosis (I would have called them if I could've been able to talk), but all they did is answering once (except of my best friends of course; they texted me daily). They couldn't visit me, because they were on holidays in different countries and I was feeling more and more abandoned.  

Before my therapy school started and I went to the first day of school. I was weak and went there taking only a bag with something to drink with me. I was able to stay in school for the whole day but I nearly gave up and left. My parents and the doctors said that I should do that if I didn't feel good. But the days in hospital strengthened me and I managed to do it. At that day, my scar was very visible and some people asked me about it and I answered that I have cancer. They were shocked but didn't do much. They just stood there. I think when I was in that situation I was totally fine with that because I didn't even realize myself. But when I think about it now, I would have liked it so much better if someone gave me a hug. A really big and long hug to show me that they think about me and that they're sorry. Just a little bit of sympathy. But it seemed like they didn't care. Maybe they were scared. I don't know. 

I was missing for the rest of the week because of my therapy, but when I came back no one asked where I was. No one. 

I had to tell some of my teachers of course, for example my PE teacher. I couldn't do sports at that time. Or my English, German and RE teacher because I should do presentations but I couldn't talk. They were sorry, but when I told them that I've nearly beaten it the treated me as if it did never even happen. 

My friend with the depression is treated like a princess. All the teachers give her better grades, they treat her like their own child, and just really like her. In the beginning she said that she doesn't want sympathy, but no one listened of course. And she knows exactly that all the teachers give her better grades. In art class she always draws really scary and horrifying things (e.g. knifes with blood on them or crying eyes) and when the teacher sees them, she get scared and give her perfect grades. She once even came up to me and told me after she showed her a drawing: "I like to show her things like that, because then she likes me more and more." 

She knows exactly what effect it has on the teachers and she kind of exploits this advantage and that makes me sick. 

We all suffer a little bit of depression because of school. Maybe not that bad, but I cried a lot about it, too. I think that my bad experience with cancer made me stronger and now everyone thinks it doesn't matter to me or that I'm fine. 

But I'm not. I'd just like people to ask me about how I feel or felt and to hug me for once. Why could nobody bake a cake for me? Why does no one come up to me and ask me if I'm okay? 

I think that I went through so much more pain, through a much more horrible time than she did. I could have died. Nobody realizes. 

I'm not talking about my best friends. They are all so nice. They hugged me, and gave me gifts and texted me even though they were chilling at the beach and could think about happier things. 

Many people say they don't want sympathy. So did I. But as arrogant as it may sound: If you go through so much, you want it at one point. I want to be admired for what I've achieved. Because if someone asks me what I'm most proud of, I would say that I've beaten cancer. And that is something you can be proud of! I don't think that anything else can beat that easily.  

What I want to say: 

If you meet someone who has or had cancer, try to put yourself in the position of that person. What would it feel like? Could you be as strong as that person? What would you do? What would you want other people to do, say or think?  

Don't just stay there and think that the person doesn't want it, that the person is fine. Do something. Even small things matter. 

And when the cancer is beaten, don't think that it's over! Don't feel like "ok, she managed it, let's return to normal standards".  

Every time we talk about thyroids or cancer in biology class, I get uncomfortable. I even developed something like a hospital phobia.  

When you want to complain about negative things and you talk about it like it's the end of the world, don't do it in front of a (once) cancer patient. 

When people do that in front of me, I think "yes, it's not good, but you can change it. It could be worse. Just look at me! Look what I've been through! Your problem isn't even half a bad as my story". 

I try to show sympathy of course, but it bothers me that this person obviously forgot that I have\/had bigger problems and that I can't really understand their problem, because I know that there are worse things in life. 

Maybe you understand what I want to say. On the outside those people may look strong and confident and I sometimes felt like that on the inside too. But there is always a little fragile and weak part that wants to be loved and admired.  

Just think about it.