Faded Perfection (Beautifully Flawed, #2) - SAMPLE

Chapter 2

Every day passed in slow motion as we waited to put Bobby in the ground. I stared up at the ceiling, feeling the empty space where Adam should be beside me. This day would only be half of it; the wake. I squeezed my eyes shut as my stomach rolled. The idea of standing for hours as people said their condolences, whether or not they truly understood the pain made me uneasy. It would be too many hours where I pretended to be strong when I knew I was falling apart where no one would see it--inside of me. The Beckerson's opted to have the wake in the morning, since icy conditions were the norm this time of year in New England and no one wanted...My mind drifted away, and I stopped the thought before I could finish it. Instead I rolled over, blinking my dry eyes until they adjusted to the morning light. Adam sat in the chair beside the window with the bass laying in his lap with his hands placed over the strings. His eyes stared at them, empty and hollow. When I sat up, his gaze shot up to mine, and my body numbed with the hollow I felt, too. The darkness moved across his soul before his eyes flashed and became cold.

I pulled my knees to my chest, watching as he stood and placed the bass on its stand before leaving the room without saying a word. I dropped my forehead to my knees as the tears I kept in swarmed my eyes. I heard the coffee pot begin to trickle and sat there, staring at the motionless bass until the tinkling of water against empty glass lulled and the smell of coffee filled the apartment.

Part of me wanted to cry, but another part of me felt there was no tears left. I took a deep breath before heading into the living room where Adam leaned against the island watching the pot fill. He didn't acknowledge me, and I turned into the bathroom, stripping off my clothes and turning the shower on as hot as I could bear. The heat burned my skin, pushing into my aching muscles, but not touching my heart. My skin was red when I got out of the shower, but I still felt so cold. I pushed the thought of the chasm that seemed to have opened between Adam and I over night out of my mind as I searched through my make-up drawer for anything waterproof.

I cursed as I realized there was nothing that would work. My eyes rose to the mirror. My skin lacked any color, besides the purple circles beneath my eyes, and I realized I just didn't give a shit. I inhaled, wrapping the towel tighter around myself before walking out of the bathroom. Adam was already in his suit, and my coffee sat on the island in a travel mug. The air felt low of oxygen as I stared at him sitting on the bar stool with his back to me.

I wanted to say something, but absolutely nothing felt right. There was nothing I could say to fix the rift of pain that suddenly divided us. Instead, I turned into the bedroom and went to the closet. The first thing I saw was that sparkling dress. I quickly shoved it aside and found a black sweater and pencil skirt.

Bobby always liked my pencil skirts.

When I came out Adam nodded at me before handing me the coffee. We left the apartment, and as we turned we stopped, staring at Bobby's door. My skin prickled as my hair stood on end, and I blinked my eyes to keep away the tears that threatened to make their presence known. Adam's hand found mine, and he squeezed it. I glanced over at him and he leaned to kiss my forehead. A small hint of heat warmed my body, but we remained quiet as we moved down the stairs, to the car and drove to the funeral parlor.

The parking lot was still empty, but what struck me most was the stark white house in front of us. I stared at the building as I tried to come to terms with the finality of what was before of us.

Bobby was not coming home.

Adam's head buckled to the steering wheel, his arms trembling against it as he said, "I don't think I can do this."

My voice cracked as I replied, "We have to."

The truth was, I didn't think I could either.

He shook his head as his knuckles turned white against the red leather. "River, I...just don't think I can hold it together."

"Who said you had to?" I asked, reaching forward and putting my hand on his elbow. I didn't quite know how to comfort him. Touches like this seemed as hollow as my heart.

He looked up at me and swallowed. "I can't show them any weakness."

I knew exactly how he felt, and I needed to do anything to fill this gap between us. I needed to make an effort to close it. I leaned my forehead against his, tangling my fingers in the back of his hair as he closed his eyes.

"This is for Bobby, not for them," I said, reminding myself of them same. "We have to do this for Bobby."

Adam nodded, cupping my face with his hands as his eyes fluttered open. "For Bobby."

~~~

The hours of the wake slid by slowly, and not a word was exchanged between Adam and his parents; not even once everyone left and calling hours ended. Adam and I stood in front of the casket, numb from the day's events before he nodded at his parents, placed his hand on my back and guided me towards the door. I felt the tension in my muscles releasing as we reached the door, but I knew it wasn't right. As much as I didn't want to speak with them, I knew it was the right thing to do.

"You're not going to say anything to them?" I asked under my breath as he moved to open the door for me.

"There's nothing to say," he replied with his tone hard as he pushed the door open.

"Adam!"

He shook his head once, and nodded outside. When I didn't move he lowered his head saying, "You didn't speak to your mom, did you?"

He was right, and my cheeks burned as I moved out the door he held open for me. We walked feet apart, and when we got into the car, I sank into the seat, crossing my arms.

"Please," Adam said as he started the car; "don't be mad at me."

I heaved a sigh, rubbing my forehead before replying, "I'm not."

"Then why are you sitting there like that?"

I sank deeper into the seat, closing my eyes. "Because today sucked. Everyday this year has sucked, and I don't see it getting any better."

I heard Adam breath in deeply, and I felt the heat in my face as my stomach sank at my sharp response. I opened my eyes and saw Adam swallow before putting the car into gear. I slipped my hand into his as he drove, but the the fissure was still there.