Idiot For Hire [On Hold]

4: Assistant For Hire

A/N: I kinda completely forgot I hadn't posted this. Oops? Better late than never, right? 

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Idiot For Hire 

Chapter 4: Assistant For Hire 

“Why are you the best person for this job?” I asked, trying not to sound too bored. I had four more interviews today, and so far, all of them had failed to keep my interest for more than two minutes. Most of them gave a mix of good and bad answers to my questions, but it wasn’t enough for me to want to hire any of them. The only one who had the right to be a horrible match was Nathan Byers, and I hadn’t even interviewed him yet. The rest were supposed matches sent by the Los Angeles staffing company I always used. Apparently, there was a dearth of assistants this month because Winnie sucked, too.

Still, this was my last shot, and I knew I had to play nice, even if it was a huge deviation from my normal conduct. If this situation was going to remain under my control, I needed to have a huge attitude check, and fast. So far, it was working. At least, I thought it was, but I still needed something to work with.

“Why am I the best person for this job? I know all about you,” the girl answered in an intense, wheezy voice. “I’m your biggest fan.” She laughed breathily, and the sound made me jump in my chair.

I looked down at my paper subtly, having already forgotten her name. Beatrice. How awful and fitting. “Thank you, Beatrice,” I managed, forcing a smile.

I was about to ask another question, but she cut me off. “Your favorite color is neon pink. Your favorite food is salmon. Your favorite singer is Carrie Underwood. You’re dating Mitchell Evans, Mitch for short. Your type is tall, blond, and handsome. Your best friend is Caroline Whitney.” Wrong. Trish Valentine was my best friend, although no one outside of our household was aware of this. My mother didn’t think she was an acceptable best friend, so Caroline was my “best friend” under the public eye. Some best friend. “You have trouble finding personal assistants because they don’t understand you. But I do. I understand you.”

I had a feeling I was going to encounter at least one weirdo... This chick was nuts.

“Er… okay. Describe a tough situation at work and how you handled it.”

She was silent for a moment before answering in that same terrifying voice. “When I was Kara Smithson’s personal assistant, this… guy tried getting close to her, but I knew he was no good for her,” she said, practically spitting out the word. “I protected her like a friend would and drove him away. She was heartbroken, but it was for her own good. I did it for her. She was my best friend…”

Her answers were definitely getting my attention, but not in a good way. I was starting to wonder if I needed to hire a 24-hour bodyguard instead of an assistant. “I see. What made you leave that job?”

“I was fired. I did the same thing with three other guys, and she didn’t see how it was all for her. She didn’t understand. I was just trying to do what was right…”

“Oh.” I wasn’t sure how to reply to that. “What can you contribute as my personal assistant?” 

“Love and friendship,” Beatrice proclaimed, staring me down with wide eyes. “Love. And. Friendship.”

Well. That was enough of that. I was honestly starting to fear for my life; it didn’t take a genius to realize there was something intrinsically wrong with this girl. Forcing another smile, I said, “Okay. Well, thank you for your time. I’ll call you within a week to let you know if you’ve been hired or not.”