Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time - Ryden

16

"Sarah!" I scream, searching around the house for my keys as my leather jacket hangs from one of my arms. I was in a rush, and nothing would stop me from getting where I was going.

"Looking for these?" She asks, stepping into the doorframe with my keys dangling from her fingers.

I was wrong. Something could definitely stop me.

"Yeah... I am." I sigh, slowly peeling them from her fingers.

"You're going to see him aren't you?" She asks, blocking my path to the door.

"Yeah. I am." Fuck is that all I can say anymore?

"Why?"

Well that was a hard question to answer. The truth was that I had no idea why I was going to see Ryan, or even where to find him. Maybe it was because I wanted an explanation for that interview, maybe it was because I was mad and wanted to tell him off for outing me without my consent, or maybe, just maybe, I was going to tell him that pieces of last night were coming back to me and I.... I love him. It was frustrating really, not knowing what was happening to me. I knew I was still in love with him. I knew that I wanted him in my life. And lastly, I knew that something happened between us last night. I knew he lied to me this morning.

"You still love him don't you?" Sarah whispers, bottom lip quivering as she looks me over slowly.

"Yes." The pained sigh that leaves her lips is enough to tell me that wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"And last night, did you two...?" She asks, choking back tears.

"Have sex?" I sigh, biting my lip before spitting out the words I knew would break her. "I don't remember all of it but.... Yeah. Yeah, I think we did."

And then it happens. Sarah's lips part and her hands quickly move to cover her face as her body erupts with sobs. I want to hold her, I want to tell her how sorry I am and that it'll never happen again but I.... I can't promise that. "Sar..." I start, stepping closer to her.

"Don't!" She screams, moving her hands to push me away from her. I stumble back, hitting the back of my heel against the chest at the foot of our bed. I linger there for a moment, watching her eyes rake up and down my body in pure disgust. I feel utterly worthless. I'm a huge piece of shit, I know it, she knows it, and Ryan knows it too. But even me, piece of shit that I am, couldn't have predicted what came next.

"I want a divorce." It slips out of my mouth before I can stop it.

"What?" She spits back, eyes narrowed at me. I was asking myself the same question.

"I want a divorce. Sar.... You and I both know that I'm not happy here... And that's not your fault. Not by a long shot, but I can't keep pretending anymore. Last night was.... Well... Last night was one of the best I've had in a long time. For the first time I felt... Happy. You know I love you... You have to know that right?" Sarah nods gently, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand. "I just.... He's my person. He's the only thing in the world that makes me happy and I..."

"Go." She says softly, rolling her eyes at me. "Stop being overly dramatic and go." She tries to manage a smile, but I can see the sadness in her eyes.

"Sar..."

"I said go! Why the fuck are you just standing there?" She exclaims.

"You're not mad?"

"Of course I'm mad, but...." She sighs. "If you're happy with him then who the hell am I to tell you not to go get him. I love you, and it hurts, yeah, but sometimes if you love someone, you have to let them go...."

I smile gently and watch as Sarah smiles softly back at me. I lean in and give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you Sar-Bear."

"I love you too Beebo. Now go get your man." She chuckles sadly.

I plan on doing just that.