Hello, and welcome to The History Of Rome.
The Chairsniffa Version.
Episode 1 :- Aeneas and The Poo-Tang Promise.
1. In The Beginning
Upon the ruins of Troy, the two victorious Greek hoplites toasted to their success. It had been ten long years, and they had lost the legendary Achilles and many other great men in the war. But finally, the Greeks had infiltrated Troy by hiding inside a big wooden horse, and were on the verge of making a great empire.
"I think we are on the verge of making a great empire," said the Theban hoplite to his Athenian comrade, who promptly replied.
"We just fought for ten years without defeating the Trojans. Then we defeat them using a big wooden horse. Please tell me how you came to that conclusion."
The Theban hoplite shrugged and proceeded to eat his souvlaki.
"Less...talk....more...kill." yelled the Spartan warrior, as he ran past to skewer a wandering goat.
The Theban hoplite was by now enjoying his lunch, just as his eye caught a bunch of Trojan refugees running off in the distance. "I would stop those Trojan refugees over there from running away, but this souvlaki tastes too awesome!"
The Athenian hoplite shook his head in disdain. "You are soooo lazy." Then he sat and proceeded to do nothing, allowing the refugees to get away.
The Spartan rushed past in a frenzy again covered in goats blood, and the two hoplites didn't even bother to point him in the right direction, knowing you can't communicate with Spartans in war mode. The two hoplites patiently listened as his war cry trailed off into the distance before continuing.
And the Athenian said "The Trojans were once a mighty peoples who made other peoples cower in aquiesence. Now they will only be remembered for the wooden horse. Go figure."
"But what if..." the Theban mused while lightly drizzling his souvlaki in more olive oil. "What if some take off and make a new city, greater than any city in the whole world, and then not only eventually defeat us, but on the ashes of all of the meditterranian nations they create an empire that pales into insignificance all empires that came before it, thus changing the entire course of the world!"
His Athenian comrade sighed at the immaturity of his young friends mind, and gave a wink. "Your so cute with your totally outlandish random thoughts...."
----------------
2. The Chair Incident
Meanwhile Trojan Prince Aeneas made his escape from Troy, dressed as a mere refugee, and after a while gave his followers reason for hope with a rousing speech before they cast off from the shores of their homelands.
"My Friends, we are off to make a new city and it will be greater than any city in the whole world! Not only will we have our revenge on Greece, but on the ashes of all the meditteranean nations we will create an empire that will pale into insignificance all empires that came before it, thus changing the entire course of the world!"
There was a moment of silence before everyone burst out laughing. And thus in a jovial mood the remaining Trojans jumped on their ships and sailed off into the sunset.
Great was the oddyssey the surviving Trojans embarked on, and after six years, having escaped the clutches of the Greeks, they arrived in Carthage, on the north african coast, ruled by Queen Dido.
And Aeneas said "I want your poo-tang."
And smitten, Queen Dido said "I want your poo-tang, too."
