I expressed to Ciera the problems that Ro' and I have been having, as she laid in bed with me and my tub of ice cream.
"Girl, you just gotta fuck. I bet you that's the problem." She kept repeating that. But it wasn't that easy. "Baby girl, the next time I see Roland. If he has on his original ring, I will fuck him like I'm a porn star. But until then, I'm just not." I reasoned with her, making her laugh nod. I noticed that she switched back to a serious demeanor quickly though.
"Can we have a serious discussion for a second though?" I nodded my head at her. "Ofcourse Ma." I sat up and faced her in my bed.
"Remember when I used to always tell you that I didn't know how you did your job as a social worker." For 3 years while in law school, before being at the firm, I was a NYDCFS social worker. I dealt with all types of things. Like literally, I probably had seen it all.
"And I had a hard time adopting because I wasn't married, and at the time I was Lebron's assistant." Ciera and I both went through the struggle to get to where we are now. So I nodded my head in understanding.
"And now it just hurts me even more to see women abusing, and wronging their kids. Like today I went to McDonald's and this women pulled out a debit card. It was the one for social security for the state you know? And I looked at her son, he couldn't have been more than 8, and he had down syndrome. Which lead me to believe that you know, she got the check for him." She explained the story as tears fell down her eyes. I grabbed a box of Kleenex from the side of the bed, passing them to her.
"And he was saying that he was hungry, and she just ignored him. I mean told him to shut up and all. She ordered her food, and they went and sat so that she could eat. I bought him a happy meal and gave it to him and she gave me this look of disgust. Bree I just- I just want a kid. And I want my child to be made from Love. And my sexuality prevents me from doing that Bree. I'm so grateful that you allow me to be so involved in Jamarie and Jiselle's lives, and I appreciate that so much. I just want my own you know." At this point she had me crying as well.
"Bree, there would be nothing more joyful than for you to have a baby for me. I honestly, couldn't ask anybody but you. And I know that it might sound selfish, but I'm practically begging here. Like I just want a child of my own Bree." I hugged her as she asked me.
I would've just said yes, but then I thought about alot of other things going on in my life right now. Roland, my career, the kids, my own health.
"Baby girl of course. If it means that much to you, then yes." I confirmed with her. "I just don't want to be an inconvenience with you, but I just- Bree you've made me so happy." She embraced me and cried tears of joy.
A couple hours later she left, and I called Roland.
"I found my ring, I was just about to call you." He said as I answered the phone. "Can you come to the house, we have something really important to talk about."
"Ofcourse baby anything." He said before hanging up.
A couple hours later
"No."
When I told him what happened earlier, and basically what I would need for him to do, the only word that came out was 'no'.
I took a deep second to look him in his face. Searching.
What for? Where he had me fucked up at.
And what reason he had to say no?
"Wha-Wh-." I couldn't even speak, I was angry, I was hurt, and I was pressed. "Can you give me a logical reason as to why you can't help me in giving her a child?"
