This is How it Feels: Personal Accounts of Mental Illness

Trichotillomania (@lotionate_it)

Hi there! It's me, , but you can call me T for now. I'm here to talk about a very common, yet very unknown BFRB (Body Focused Repetitive Behavior), Trichotillomania. Long word, I know. It's pronounced trick-uh-til-o-mania. 

But what is it? What does it mean? It means the person who has it (trichster) has a very strong - irresistible - urge to pull their own hair out. It can occur anywhere on the body that has hair. Yes. That includes pubes.

BUT not everyone that has trich pulls from everywhere. Some only pull from the scalp, some only from the eyebrows/eyelashes/etc., some only from other places. I think you get the picture. The act of pulling hair out is simply known as that: pulling.

Let me just say that I am speaking from my experience and from what facts I know about trich. This doesn't go for every trichster, and it never will, but this is what I know and partially have experienced.

I know, it sounds odd and weird, I thought the same thing before my bald spots had a name to their reason for existing. But let me tell you, it is not uncommon and you are not alone if you have this. It effects much of the population and for yet-to-be-explained reasons it is most common in females, but males and anyone can have it.

There is no specific cure, but many people have found coping and curing methods that work for them. The most common types of treatment are medications such as anti-psychotics (along with others) and multiple forms of counseling. Others have different methods. It's what works for you. 

Let's flip the switch, now that you have many of the basic facts and main info on trich, and talk about what it's like to have trich. 

I can sum it up in one word if you'd like the short explanation: burdening. 

It's something that's just there, and very hard to get rid of for most, and it is for me. I think I've maybe had one pull-free day in the past year. Yeah...

There was a period, not too long ago, that I would NEVER wear my hair down. It was forever in a messy bun. Tucked away and placed right where nothing was visible. I had worked up the courage to wear my hair down on a-somewhat-good hair day, and in 1st period a classmate came up to me and just went "Whoa, you have a bald spot!" and I got quite embarrassed and instantly went into 'I don't know's and 'what, where?'s. This was before I knew Trich had a name and was a thing, I thought I was the only person who did this uncontrollably, so naturally, I wanted to hide it and pretend it didn't exist. 

I continued to live with it in uneducated silence until I stumbled across a Buzzfeed article, the first installment of their "16" series. Guess what it was about? 

Ding-ding-ding!

A 16-year-old girl with trichotillomania. In an odd way I was elated, but more terrified than anything. I thought I was certifiably crazy for having a mental issue. "No! Not me!" I thought to myself, "I'm not crazy!" But I had the wads and piles of hair to prove it, along with numerous bald spots and growing baby hairs (as I call them.)

It had a name, It was a thing, and I wasn't alone anymore.

My life with trich hasn't ceased much, and I don't see it stopping much in the future until I finally get the balls to get some help for it. But I don't want this to turn into a sob story. 

Mental issues already have enough of a stigma, especially ones like trichotillomania that don't have much research surrounding it, much less awareness. I don't need to add to the stereotype that anyone with something other than a perfect brain is a basket-case in any form.

If you have this, please, comment something nice about yourself, coping methods you have, encouragements, resources, and just generally positive, helpful things. If you don't have it, but feel you've learned something, don't be shy—smash the voting and sharing buttons. ChemNotCharacter is a great account with wonderful people on it, so please, show some love. 

I just want to thank you for reading this and maybe letting me tell you some things you may not have known. If you have more to add, go for it! If you have something to critique, do it! I hope I have informed and maybe helped some people in this little corner of the Internet, thanks for reading!

~T