Codey Matthews : Me Myself And I.

Chapter Eight :

Codey's POV :

I Stumbled aimlessly around the Cemetery grounds dragging my feet Along the floor , Debris catching in the front of my shoes before piling up into a ball leading me to pick up my foot and kicking it ahead of me , Yup , I have nothing better to do with my time.

I don't come to the cemetery that often, hell if i do i don't do it this early in a morning , The sky was grey and the wind was icy cold as it blew against my skin causing mighty shivers to arise from my body.

I didn't really know what i was doing here i just had to get out of the house , I needed to come see my little princess , I didn't go up close to her grave , I never do , I guess that's because my insides are riddled with guilt , Guilt that i killed my baby sister , I will never forgive myself.

rebbekah's grave is placed just boarder line with the cemetery path way and I'm sat on the bench on the other side , this is the closest i will get , if i keep my distance the guilt i have will keep at bay , At least i come to visit right ? its not like i have forgotten her , i will never forget her .

I sat there for almost three hours , At a guess i didn't even check my phone for the time but the sky had brightened up a little now and it wasn't so cold anymore , either that or my skin is that numb i cannot feel it anymore , I don't feel much anyway with how much beatings i receive from my parents and Ryan.

Ryan.

The name brings a new feeling to the pit of my stomach , Was he really trying to make things up to me , did he really only take there side because he didn't want to receive the same treatment as i did , i don't blame him , who would want the same thing.

My thoughts were interrupted by the awful sound of my ring tone , 'you will never walk alone'  

I cant help but mentally laugh at it , I always walk alone , I do have a few people who speak to me , Lauren for instance and the new girl but yet my life still doesn't feel complete and never will.

I pick up the phone after 10 minutes of constant ringing , "Hello" I croak .

"Hey Codey . Its Lauren , I know its early and I'm sorry if I woke you but the party is going to be early and I was just phoning round and letting people know its Tonight , No one who's coming is going to school unless they are brave enough to have hangover , will you be there ?"

Her voice was riddled with excitement and I'm pretty sure she didn't breath during that sentence and why was she saying it was early , It certainly wasn't early . Not for a school day , maybe she has noticed I'm not at school , would she notice ?

"Codey ? This is Codey right "  

She softened her voice and started fumbling with her phone , button noises beeped down the phone , I'm guessing she was trying to figure out if she called the correct number .

"Yea , its me , um , I don't know if I can go to the party" I could , I just didn't feel like it .

"Really , are you sick ? Is that why you aren't at school ? Is Ryan sick too ? "

Screw Ryan.

" Um , no . Our parents are away , we didn't want to come to school "

"Oh , that's cool ., I wish I wasn't at school today , we have these boring teachers around from a different school training us on something I haven't been paying attention to " she giggled . I wasn't interested. 

"Doesn't sound like I'm missing much then"  

I let off a fake laugh just for Laurens's benefit , I hope she hangs up soon , I don't want to talk to anyone right now .  

Last nights event - And by events I mean arguing with Ryan has just brought everything back , its like we made up and fell out all over again , I just need to be alone.

" Are you OK Codey ? " I didn't realize Lauren had stopped talking about school , She turned all concerned all of a sudden .  

"I mean if you want to talk or anything I'm here you know ."

"NO" I snapped  "No , I mean I'm fine " I lowered my tone realizing just how nasty i sounded.

"Oh , Ok well if you change your mind , you know , I hope you can make it."

"Ill be sure to let you know ok ?"

"Make sure you do , Bye Codey . "

And with that she was gone but i still found myself gripping the phone and holding it to my ear , It felt warm against my face making me realize that it wasn't so warm outside after all .

**

I decided i had spent enough time staring into nothingness at the cemetery and i could no longer spill any more tears over the death of my sister  so i headed ... somewhere m anywhere .. anywhere but home .

I didn't want to go home , simply because the thought of going back would mean me forgiving Ryan and i didn't want to , Did i ?

"Enough"  I cursed at myself , Why should i live in fear of everyone , Live in fear of life , My brother , My parents ? "Enough" I should just focus on the future , Sure , The guilt of killing my sister will eat away at my brain but it should be me that faces my own consequences , They shouldn't bully me , why should i not go to this party ?  Why should i push Kaytee away ? She was nice to me , understood me on some sort of level.

I'm going.

Yup .

**

"Breath Codey , Its all fine "  I stand in front on Lauren's Front door trying to reassure myself that my decision to improve my life was worth it , It wasn't scary at all , Nope , Not at all ,

I raise my hand and hold it in mid air as my mind tries to battle against my wish , Should i knock ? Shouldn't i ?  Do i really want to do this ? Is it me ? I'm just so used to be alone and angry that change seems so scary , Screw it , I plaster a smile on my face and push all the bad things behind me and knock three times on the giant wooden door in front of me.

Before in know the Door fly's open and I'm embraced into a tight hug, air not able to reach my lungs as Lauren Squeezes my ribs , who was this girl super women ? I never noticed her strength before and neither did i notice how long her arms were , they seemed to wrap around my waist at least four times , Crazy  long armed women.

The thought of Lauren been a super strength hero had me in stitches , laughing so hard i automatically loosened the grip Lauren had over me and plummeted to the floor now holding my own waist , I cant imagine the Confused feeling Lauren must be having right now , My guess , PRICELESS  When my laughter fit is over i must thank her for making me laugh , Ill just leave the reason why to myself.

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A/N:

AGGGGGGGHH , I hate this chapter soo much ! Im really dissapointed in myself :( At First i thought i should just re-do the whole thing , Then i thought , If i give them ( Thats you , Yes you !) Acrappy chapter , Maybe they will appriciate the next chapter more :) Well id o hope so anyway , I also like How codey was laughing :) Its nice for him to be happy for once (GO Lauren and her 'Freaky Arms' )

Pj=D