Second Class Citizen

Chapter 4

It was three weeks before I saw Lev or his family again. Choosing to avoid them seemed a better option for my sanity. I was so tired of the self-humiliation. It would have been easier to dealt with if someone had purposefully done something concrete. That would have justified me feel the way I was feeling. On the basic level of my torment was the reality that I had let myself be used. I was doing this to myself. My thoughts had turned cold and cruel towards myself.

The time apart had done me well. Like a diver slowly surfacing it gave me a moment to equalize the pressure within my heart.

Stepping out a cab I approached the restaurant. It was at Jane's birthday dinner and being present was important. Draping my shawl over my arms, I opened the door, avoiding a puddle from the recent rain.

The whole family was here filling the private area with boisterous noise. A healthy spirit of celebration was in the eyes of everyone. Jane's parents where present along with her brother and his mate. The pack warriors along with Lev's brothers laughed loudly at a story that David was telling. Everyone was enjoying the company and joy of the evening.

I felt somewhat out of place.

"Katia! Over here!" Called out Jane. I walked over to her glad for a connection.

"Happy birthday Jane." I said, hugging her firmly.

"Thank you. I feel like I haven't seen you in ages, even your hair is longer. " She said touching my recently outgrown locks.

"I known. I've been busy at work." I replied back, partially true. Work was my main pursuit these days.

"You work too hard! I need to speak to Mr Rotham. That man keeps you too busy. One would swear you were the only secretary in the firm." She said, I just smiled back at her.

"Here is your present." I said handing over her gift and changing the direction of the conversation. It was a photo of her and David that I took on her first birthday party with him. She had cake in her hair and was smudging a piece in his face. Her smile was matched only by the love that radiated between the two of them. It seemed like a fitting gift for the occasion.

"Oh, you didn't need to get me anything." She said, sincerity in her voice.

"You deserve to be spoiled. I hope David treated you well." I asked. Jane suddenly arched her neck as if she was in a beauty commercial. Something pretty sparkled around her neck.

"Oh you know David. He's very good at taking care of his wife." She replied, showing off a new necklace. A single stone hung off, the exact shade of her green eyes.

"I see he does." I laughed; feeling a bit more relaxed than when I entered.

"He's a great husband. I never thought that I would have a mate as kind as him." She said, her voice softening in admiration. At the word mate my chest tighten and my smile faulted. I nodded but it was strained.

"Sorry. Look I know you get uneasy around the word mate, but yours is out there." she said trying to comfort my trouble mind. 

If she only knew. Jane would either rage or cry. 

"I don't think it's in the cards for me." The words slipping softly out of my mouth, acknowledging my greatest fears.

"Don't say that. There are wolves that find their mates at a later age. Not everyone makes a connection when they turn eighteen." Replied Jane. Her answer was the same one every gave. A shallow comfort to the depth of my predicament.

"I'm twenty-six Jane, soon to be twenty seven. I need to wake up. If it didn't happen by now, it's not going too." I said, looking into the flame of a candle on the table.I wondered if it would be easier to give up on Lev and I. Give up on marriage, kids and love. Deferred hope was  destructive for my soul.