As Long As She Lives (full published version!)

Chapter 17

Cait pulled her car to a halt outside Sean's house and yanked on the hand brake. Slamming the car door sent a twinge of pain through her shoulder blade but she stormed up to the iron gates and held the intercom button down until Sean's voice came from the speaker. "Okay! Okay– Kitty? What– Come in."

She picked her way along Felicity's winding pansy- and alyssum-lined path and was even more frustrated when she got to the verandah of the immaculate terrace house.

Sean met her at the door. "What's with ringing the– What's wrong?"

How could he not know? "Where's Daisy?"

"What?"

"Is Daisy at piano?" she asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"Because I'm going to yell at her father and I don't want her to hear it." Cait pushed past him and clomped down the long hallway to the living area.

"What did I do, now?" Sean asked, following.

Cait stared at him. "I honestly cannot work out if you don't know or if there are so many things you've kept from me that you don't know which one I'm angry about!"

Sean's face fell. He sank onto the arm of the couch. "Are you okay?"

"No. I'm bloody not! How dare you conspire with Riley to keep that from me!"

"Conspire? Look, I know you're upset but–"

"You and Riley and Steve and my doctor all making decisions you had no–"

"Who's Steve?"

Train of thought derailed. "What?"

"You said Steve. Who's Steve?"

Did she? She couldn't have. Cold sweat. Don't panic. "Steve's... my psychologist – who is not the point."

"Really?" He stood, arms akimbo. Cait recoiled, folding her arms. "I think that's exactly the point. Your doctor, your psych, your brother and the man who adores you in a way that I cannot believe I didn't see for decades, we're all doing their best to look after you and you're angry at us?"

"Yes! You had no right to make that decision for me."

"No right? We're your family. Of course we have a right to protect you. And your doctor and psych are paid to do it!"

That's what Riley had said. She gritted her teeth. They were both wrong.

"What about Graggy?" Sean said.

"What about her?"

"And Eva and James and Em? Do you want me to call them so they can come over and you can yell at them, too?"

No. She didn't want to hear it. "They knew?"

"Of course. You think a massacre of children and nuns isn't going to make headlines – even here? Riley sat us all down before dinner last Monday and we planned how to protect you from the news until your psych said you were ready."

Everyone knew. All week they'd been– What? Laughing at her? Of course not. Lying to her. By omission. Just as she was lying to them. A lock of hair fell in her eyes.

Sean brushed it behind her ear. "I saw you break down after the King died Kitty. I know I played my part and I didn't want you to go through anything like that again."

Her lips began to quiver. She tightened them. Her eyes welled. All of the Sisters. All but a dozen girls – a dozen girls who, if they were still alive, were probably wishing they'd died with their friends. That was where her anger belonged. But she couldn't yell at Henri.

"Oh no. Riley," she said.

"What?"

"I have to go. I have to–" She slipped her hands on his waist and pulled him into a hug. "Thank you. I'm sorry I yelled. I yelled at Riley, too... Worse. I have to–"

He kissed her cheek. "Go."

Cait screeched into her garage and leaped from the car, praying that Riley hadn't already been and gone. Inside, the lounge room was empty and she heard no movement. She ran through to Riley's room and couldn't keep her hopes from falling any longer. No suits in the wardrobe, no books on the bedside table, his shaving and shower paraphernalia missing from the ensuite. He was gone.

Making her way back into the lounge she pulled her phone from her handbag. She'd been so cold; what could she possibly say that would be apology enough? Did it matter? Over-thinking was what had led her to push him away again and again. No wonder he'd believed her this time. She should call and say the first thing that came into her...

The sound of foot treads in the garage made her heart leap. The doorknob turned and she stood, wiping her eyes and smoothing down her clothes. Don't over-think it. Relax for once and tell him how you feel. But the man in the ski mask was not Riley.

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Cheers!
Darcy.