I sit on the sofa with tears rolling down my face as it gets to my favourite part of The Mentalist. Teresa Lisbon knocks on the door of where Patrick Jane is and she says 'Jane, I need you' and then he opens the door and says “it’s nice to be needed.” And then “anything for you lisbon.” Yes it is nice to be needed, if only I was needed. I'm sure everyone would be so much happier without me, I'm not needed. In fact if I died I doubt anyone would really cry, they would all just do that fake crying people do to get attention. I wipe the tears off my face and force a laugh, god I'm such a cliché- girl stops eating, girl starts cutting, girl gets depressed, then girl gets suicidal. I need to get a grip! I look at the clock that's across from me and see it reads 12:30, 1hr and a half till mums back. I should probably go and make myself look half decent. I go into the bathroom and wipe my eyes, and put on a bit of make-up, it doesn't look so much like I've been crying now. I go into my bedroom and grab my hair straightners. 20 minutes later and I've transferred my once curly brown hair into shiny straight brown hair. I look in the mirror and from the neck upwards I look ok. If you just ignore the chubby cheeks and double chin. I turn away quickly before I can pick out even more faults with myself. I look at the clock in my room- I have a thing about needing to know the time. Around an hour until mums back. I can feel my stomach starting to ache again. I sigh, but ignore the pain. I have more important things to do, such as finding something half decent to wear this evening. I can't make decisions, this might take a while! It's got to be something smart- casual I think, jeans? A skirt? Oh my goodness, why is this so difficult! I try on my denim skirt, but cringe at my reflection, are my legs really that huge? The mirror shows me two tree trunks with a scrap of denim where the tree branches should be. Skirts are out of the question. I try on a pair of blue skinny jeans instead, but almost burst into tears when I see myself in them, if only I wasn't so fat. Half an hour later and I finally settle on a pair of black skinny jeans, I don't look too bad, plus blacks a slimming colour. Now there's just everything else to sort out. I rummage through my tops, I don't want to wear something else black, but after I've tried on most of my coloured tops I start to try on black. Colours only show of how fat I am anyway. I pick up my favourite black top, I try it on but I all I notice are my fat bingo wings spilling out the sides. I slide to the floor, feeling the tears pouring out of my eyes. If I wasn't so fat I wouldn't have this problem,
Well you wouldn't be so fat if you hadn't eaten that toast this morning!
I sob and agree with the voice. It's true. Through my tears I look up at the clock. Again. 10 minutes until my mothers back. I need to freshen myself up. I grab a pair of shorts and a vest top and shove them on. Trying not to look at my body the whole time. The thought of my thighs spilling out of shorts isn't particularly appealing. I wash my face and fix my make-up, hiding all traces of my crying episodes. I rush to the kitchen and wash but don't dry up, the crockery I used when making that fattening breakfast. After that's all done I slump back on the sofa and start to watch the rest of the mentalist. Soon enough my mum comes home from work. She puts her hand on my forehead , "you're still running a temperature, still pale but you're looking better" she takes in my shorts and vest top, I can almost hear her thinking ewww, how could I produce a daughter of that size! But what she actually says shocks me, "christ tori, you're tiny"
AN: sorry it's so short! it's only really a filler chapter, but i hope this shows you what Tori goes through everytime she tries to find something to wear! This chapter is dedicated to AbeerNTouqii as she designed my awesome cover :) Link on the side is the extract of the mentalist episode, i would advise you to check it out! Thanks for reading guys :)
