STEPHEN,
"No this is not how it's going to work. I have to attend the meeting!"
And that's how it all began. I was making my way to the nearest NA meeting spot where I never wanted to go and sit with all the old people filled with regrets and talking about their miserable wives.
The session began ten minutes late where we all joined hands and prayed like idiots. I nearly felt asleep listening to all those people. To be honest, I could see their pain. On some level I even understood their pain. I just couldn't feel their pain. But it was very different this time. I could see someone sitting right in the other end of corner, smoking her Marlboro. She seemed quite new around there, I guessed it was her first time too.
I saw her from far away. She was wearing black with messy long hair. There was something different about her, I could feel it. Her pale black eyes deprived of empathy. Her long black hair blowing with the wind. Her empty smile showed something much more than hidden hate towards everyone. Her eyes were red with Mary Jane. Looking at everyone and smiling, pretending to be normal. But when I saw her I knew there was something different about her. Something hidden and evil.
She noticed me looking at her. And all of a sudden she was walking towards me, the speaker was speaking about the 12-step recovery program, but she didn't care about anything. She stood right in front me and said "Hello Stranger!"
When I looked at her closely I could see her demons fighting inside her. Most people would have been frightened to see a mess like her. But it was breathtaking for me to see another damaged soul. I knew that moment that our conversation will get raw, ugly and rude, and I knew I was going to enjoy every damn minute of it.
After a few minutes pretending to have a normal conversation, she asked me, "Whats wrong with you? Why are you here?" she smiled after asking that question like she knew what my answer was going to be.
"Drugs. Sometimes it sets my teeth on edge, other times it helps me control the chaos. "
And without waiting for her to respond I asked her "What do you do for fun?"
She gave a serious smile and looked directly into my eyes and said " I like to imagine a pool of blood filled with dead people"
That was not the type of answer I was hoping for but still I got more excited.
"You have a morbid sense of fun. " I smiled.
While she picked up a call from someone, I could notice her deep scars on her left arm like they were buried too deep to remember.
She looked tensed and said she had to leave. And just like that she was gone. Like the wind she came and went. Without leaving a single trace. She was damaged all right, I could see right through her. She was a mess of chaos and flowing in a pool of blood. Evil and deadly. Poisonous and beautiful.
And right there she left without any goodbye.
After the meeting a friend of mine came to me and said, "She is psychotic and a coke head, she tried to stab her boyfriend with a knife, you should probably stay away from her, which I know you won't, you freak"
And I should have felt terrified hearing this but it was more likely a friendly message to me, I should've been upset, even feel violated, but I was not. No, in fact, I think that was a friendly message, like "Hey, wanna play?" and yes, I want to play. I really, really do.
