Fandom Imagines

Dean x Self Harm Reader

****Trigger Warning!! There is talk of self harm in graphic detail. Read at your own caution!!****

You looked down at your hands, waiting patiently for the boys to leave, knowing that the only way for you to relieve yourself of the tension, pain, and numbness could only be obtained after they left to go interview the victims' families in this hunt.

"Y/N? Sam and I are leaving, you sure that you don't want to come with us?" Dean called out to you from the motel's room door.

"I'm sure! I'm not feeling all that hot today." Not that I'm ever hot anyways. You thought to yourself as you pulled off a fake grin just for Dean.

"Okay, sweetcheeks. Sleep well then, and stay hydrated! We'll see you later." Dean said as he and Sam, who was on the phone, walked out the door.

You waited until you heard the pins and balls falling into place on the door from bolt locking as they left and then the roar of Baby's engine as they drove off. You ran over to the duffle bag that had all of your clothes and other necessities. You grabbed your makeup bag and ripped it open. Then you dumped it all out on your beg, searching frantically for that little plastic baggie with your precious blades and alcohol wipes.

You finally found it and sat down with it in your hands, trying to fight the urge, but you'd already come this far, what could stop you from finishing it now? Nothing.

You open the bag and roll up a pant leg and sleeve, using the alcohol on the blade and then again on your skin, you placed the cool metal on your calf and slowly but surely sliced your skin open, once, twice, fifteen times quickly gaining speed as you went on. You stretched out your leg, relishing the dull aching throb of the wounds you'd just inflicted upon yourself as you let the blood run free and spill onto the black hand towel you had from your makeup bag.

As you relaxed, you cleaned the blade off and prepared it for your arm, feeling the older cuts and scars on your body, knowing that that is all you'll ever amount to be and then with tears in your eyes as the evil thoughts plagued your mind; worthless, ugly, fat, horrible, not good enough, unneeded, unloved. Each thought was punctuated with a cut to your arm.

Finally, you felt everything just wash off and out of your system and you sighed deeply, relishing the feeling of absolute tranquility that surrounded you.

So, you cleaned yourself up and quickly went about cleaning your mess and once again packed your blades up and hid them among your makeup.

Then, making sure that your leg and arm were covered, you curled up on the bed and took a nap.

"Y/N, Y/N. Wake up, its 7 that means its time for dinner!" Dean said, all too chipperly as he woke you up.

Dinner, that meant bars and rundown diner joints.

With a sigh, you obliged Dean and got up, fixing your hair and makeup.

You stood next to the door, waiting on the two giant boys to join you.

"Wow!! Y/N, nice hair." Dean said with a smirk.

"Shut up, Dean. She wasn't feeling well all day." Sam tried to tell him in a whisper, but it floated over to you anyways. And you put your hands up to your hair, smoothing it out and wondering what was wrong with it.

"Let's get going, kids." Dean said, matching right outside without giving you a chance to look at yourself in the mirror.

You sighed and shook your head. You were just going to get dinner, you weren't trying to impress anyone. So, you followed him out along with Sam to the Impala.