Without Him

Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

I spent the weekend, I wouldn't say depressed, but not in the best mood. Mia, of course, had notice and was more emotionally sensitive than usual, getting upset or cranky very easily. I was trying to calm her down when someone knocked on my front door. I was surprised since I wasn't expecting anyone. Maybe it was Bliss or Mum coming to check on me. They had been calling non-stop since Friday night, asking how I was doing and if I was okay or needed anything. But it was neither of them.

"Hey" Max had both of his hands in his front pockets. He was wearing jeans, a white t-shirt with a plaid shirt as a cardigan and brown suede boots. "Before you close the door, can you just please hear me out, Ella? Please" He begged.

The small part of me that still had feelings for him took over. I stepped to the side, letting him in. After the fight that we had, I hadn't been expecting him to talk to me so soon. I thought it'd be a week and we still hadn't made any effort to redeem ourselves. I placed Mia in her play yard and sat on the living room couch with Max.

After staying silent for what seemed like hours which were probably a few seconds, he spoke "After having these few days to think about our fight and the things you said I-" He stopped and rubbed his face with his hand, his elbows were on his thighs as he leaned forward avoiding eye contact. It was obvious he was having a hard time expressing his thoughts and feelings. "I know that I lost you for being an asshole and I know that what I said the other night just added more points to my table of faults but Ella, I'm here to ask you to please, please give me a chance to show you I'm not the guy I used to be. Not only because I want you back but because I want you to see I can be a good father to her. I know that what I said a year ago backfires with what I'm saying now but I promise I've changed.

"A week after you left, I noticed how stupid and miserable I was without you but I knew that what I had done didn't deserve a second chance and as much as it hurts to say I knew that you also deserved someone better than me but that's why I've changed. Because I want to be that person that is good enough for you and Mia. If you just give me a chance. I promise I won't let you down this time. I still love you and now I love Mia too."

I had never seen Max in such a vulnerable state, which made me believe his words. His eyes were glassy-looking from unshed tears, black circles surrounding them from lack of sleep. The blue of his eyes was also lacking the intense color they usually had. His state was enough to convince, he really wanted this. He had definitely suffered, getting a glimpse of my hurt but I didn't want to take the risk to later have my heartbroken again by the same person.

"Max, I-"

"Ella May, please." He begged again, turning to face me this time.

"Can you at least give me some time to think about it?" I was feeling overwhelmed at the moment and didn't want to make the wrong decision.

"Yeah. I guess it's better than a no" He murmured.

"Thanks"

"Would you mind if I spend some time with Mia? Now that I'm here" He asked, he had hesitated to do so at first since I noticed him eyeing Mia for a while.

"Go ahead" I weakly smiled.

As I watched Max and Mia, I realized how these last few days had been an emotional wreck. I didn't feel like I was in the right state of mind to make this decision of letting Max completely come back into my life. And once I made my decision, I didn't want to regret it later on. Since Bliss had been incredibly supportive all the time by offering her help whenever I needed it I decided I would give her a call and talk about this with her. I didn't want to keep this from my mother but I knew that if I told her she would only tell me that I was just over-thinking things and that I should jump to it and give him a chance but I needed words more wiser than those and I knew that Bliss would give them to me. While keeping an eye on Mia, who was still with Max, I dialed her number.