Weakness

I hate

I hate what I have become because instead of the happy yet stubborn person I used to be I am now making myself suffer more than I ever had and I may tell myself that I am better but I'm not and no one sees or understands.
I hate my so-called friends for making me feel like they hate me or they just don't remember my existence. Because I have already heard all of their shit but when it's me they don't care. They don't even ask if I'm okay or if my day has been good. For all except a couple.
I hate my family for not understanding and making me feel worst. I hate having to be called goth by my mom and fat by my dad and I know they don't mean it but it still hurts. I hate my parents for letting my sister do whatever she wants. This house no longer feels like a home.
But most of all, I hate myself for acting like a baby, for ,asking people worried and for being an attention whore. I want to change. I do and I'm trying but I guess nothing is working. I don't know what else to do. I hate how I'm jealous and envious of everyone and everything. I hate my emotions for being so damn bipolar. But what can I do, I can't tell anyone because they won't understand or I will get called names and u don't want to be the girl who gets called emo by everyone, even though I already am.