Vic’s POV
Lia slumped over suddenly, a dead weight in my arms. I sat on the floor, tugging her off the counter and pulling her into my lap. “Lia ? Wake up baby, I’m right here.” I pleaded with her, to God, to anyone who would listen, to anyone at all, just for her to be okay. In that moment, with the one I loved laying limp against my chest, it felt like the world was ending. I felt shattered, like the Earth was slowing collapsing in on itself, much like my heart. True heartbreak is complete loss; not when someone has left you, but when they have left the world. If you break up with someone, sure, they are gone, but you know deep down they are out there somewhere, happy, and that’s all you can truly ask for.
This was one time where I didn’t feel optimistic about the future, I didn’t feel like anything was going to be okay again. There are moments when you can’t just believe everything happens for a reason anymore, you can’t just keep hoping. When I thought about the future, a future without her, it didn’t feel right. It felt like this was really it, like this was the end.
Time seemed to drag as I waited for the ambulance. Lia’s parents still hadn’t arrived, and I was stuck facing this agony alone. It was what I deserved, it was all my fault anyway….I was the one who had taken her out in the first place, and then I had let her get up, even helped her, and then I had foolishly run off. I had killed my girlfriend, essentially.
I stared down at Lia’s face, which was now unnervingly pale, except for two bright pink spots coloring her cheeks. I memorized the way her lashes curled over her cheeks, the way her mouth was set so peacefully, the way her hair fell around her face. The paramedics rushed in, heading straight for us. My hearing seemed to be far off, I couldn’t understand them as they spoke to me. They took her from me, MY Lia, and then one stood in front of me, peeking into my face. “Are you okay ?” He asked. I couldn’t answer, because of course I wasn’t. “Sir ? Are you injured ?” I cocked my head at him; couldn’t he see my broken heart ? No injury is an intense as an ailing heart. But he couldn’t fix me unless he fixed Lia. So I pulled myself together and shook my head, following him to the ambulance.
By the time I entered the ambulance, Lia was being poked and prodded and hooked up to wires. I could only watch and whimper in horror as I heard the words “She hasn’t got a heartbeat.”
It was like a scene from a movie that was all too real, as they charged up the defibrillators and shocked my girlfriend over and over. Only unlike the movies, she didn’t spring back to life. She wasn’t coming back….she wasn’t coming back….
I cowered in the corner of the ambulance as it sped up. One of the medics looked to me, questioning me about her medical conditions. I stumble over my words, trying to explain it to them, trying to make amends for the actions I had caused.
I sat in the waiting room in a daze, avoiding eye contact with Lia’s parents. I had told them what happened, but I couldn’t tell if they blamed me or not. If they did blame me, I wouldn’t fight it, because they were right.
We waited for hours as the doctors ran more tests, took more blood, did more scans, who knows what….Her parents gave me half-hearted smiles and pats on the shoulder, and I felt like somehow I should be comforting them. But I had no comforting words to give, because none of us knew how this would turn out. For all we knew, this could be the very last time we were waiting in the hospital for Lia.
Two and a half hours after we had arrived, I stepped out to get some fresh air and break down in peace. I sat with my back against the building, crying into my hands. No one else knew I was here, because I hadn’t bothered to call them. Without results, there was no point. So once again, I sat alone, breaking down into tiny pieces until I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. How did we end up like this, Lia ? I thought. I was supposed to protect you….
I walked back inside, heading for the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, long and hard. My eyes were rimmed in red and swollen, and I looked haggard and worn down. I splashed some water on my face, trying to feel any sort of relief I could get. Anything to lessen the pain that I was feeling. I never knew it was possible to hurt so much, I had previous thought pain had to bottom out sometime, but I was dead wrong. Pain was a constant wave of torture that never ceased, and I didn’t know how long I could stand it anymore.
“That’s the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.”
