***Trigger warning***
Lia’s POV
Vic seemed nervous suddenly. He didn’t say anything else, just took my hand and placed it on his forearm.
The skin there wasn’t smooth, it was oddly raised- scars.
Vic used to self harm.
Neither of us said anything, just sat up, cross-legged and facing one another. I held his arm carefully in my hands, slowly tracing up and down. My fingers grazed the surface softly, drawing hearts around all the scars. There were hundreds of them, some just scars, others raised lines, but none fresh. “Oh, Vic,” I whispered. I carefully pulled up the sweatshirt I was wearing to reveal some scars of my own. I used to self-harm frequently, but then when I started going to the hospital, medical professionals would notice and question me about it. My longtime nurse, Silvia, promised not to tell my parents if I promised to stop. I never picked up a razor again….that was eight months ago now. It seemed so far away, like a completely different chapter in my life. And I guess it was.
Vic tentatively touched my scarred thighs, running his fingers up and down them, counting. His hands moved to my hips, and ever so slowly, he leaned forward. His lips pressed against every scar, all the way up my right thigh. My breathing hitched, and he kept going, kissing my hip bones and halfway up my stomach. “Don’t ever hurt yourself again, you’re worth so much more than that. You’re too beautiful to be this sad.” He caressed my face, wiping away my tears. “Vic. Did you…did you stop ? Self-harming I mean…” He nodded. “Two months ago. So far you’re the only one that knows….and I’d like to keep it that way.” I nodded, “Me too.” He laid down, pulling me with him. “We need to get some sleep, school tomorrow. He curled up by my side, his hand tangled loosely in my hair. His wrist faced up, and I continued slowly tracing the lines there until he fell asleep.
Vic woke me up early the next morning and walked me home before anyone could realize I was gone. There was a silent agreement not to acknowledge the subjects touched upon last night, and so the walk was wordless. I went to school like normal, but you could tell things had changed between Vic and I. We leaned a little closer, touched each other casually a little too often, lingered too long on the friendly hugs. We trusted one another know, and we knew some dark secrets. That was bound to bring us closer.
But of course, there was still one thing left unsaid.
My health.
I justified it to myself, saying that I couldn’t explain something that I didn’t know what it was. To me, I wasn’t even sick, it was just…me. “I’m not sick,” was my personal mantra. It was just something I would have to live with, I mean, it didn’t really affect me TOO much. It wouldn’t kill me or anything…I think.
“Hey,” Vic said with a smile, bumping his hip against mine. “Whatcha thinkin’ about ?” I shook my head, “Nothing.” He took my hand and pulled me out the door. It was finally Friday, and of course, like every Friday since I’d been here, Vic and I had plans. This time though, we were going to camp out. We planned to use the last warm weekend in September, well actually, the last weekend in September period, to sleep under the stars. We were going to have a picnic in the field where we first met, then set up a tent and sleep there. Just the two of us…
Vic was as giddy as a child, racing me back to my house. The first order of business for the night was dinner at my house. The guys often hung out there, and I knew my parents realized that I liked Vic as more than a friend. They approved, thank God, and was glad that he made me so happy. That’s what best friends were for…right ?
The line between best friend and relationship blurred constantly for us. Sleep overs, (this would be our third), those kisses we shared, cuddling…but we were both too afraid to admit to ourselves, much less each other, what was really going on. Neither wanted to define the relationship, although everyone else could see it. My reason was the fear of rejection; I simply couldn’t bear to lose my best friend.
I had no problem admitting that Vic was indeed the sunshine of my life. I thought about him pretty much every waking moment, and we spent most of that together anyway. He walked me to and from school and classes, and we hung out probably five out of seven days in the week and if not, we were always texting. We would often sneak out to visit one another in the middle of the night; with or without warning. There were plenty of times that I woke up with a small, curled up Mexican sleeping peacefully by my side. Not that I minded.
“Lia ?!”
Why did Vic sound so panicked all of a sudden ? And when did it get so dark in here…
“We often lead ourselves to believe the lie, for fear of facing the truth.”
