Because The Crush

Acceptance

Edited by No-Soul-Ginger

*****

"Amber?!"

"Mom, I'm here . . . look at me!" I yell, but my mother just couldn't see me. 

"Amber, please come back!"

I run to a corner. My mom loved me, the liquor hated me. It hits me that my mom wasn't drunk the night I ran away. If she was drunk? She wouldn't even be worried about me right now.

I look at her, searching for me still. I'm sorry mom. The walls started closing in. I was trapped.

I open my eyes and sit up straight, gasping for air, my forehead coated with a thin layer of sweat. The lights from a gas station burned my eyes. I guess we stopped for gas. I look up at Jonny, he looked like he was crying. Around his eyes were puffy and red. I should know. I move my body so my head faced the back of the passenger seat. I feel him run his fingers through my hair and I hear him sniffle. 

"Jonny, please don't cry," I whisper mournfully.

He puts his hands to his face and lets out a loud sob. I sit up and pull his arms down. 

"Amber, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!" he shouted, crestfallen, scaring me. 

"This isn't what I wanted for us," he whispered.

"Us?" I asked. I don't even know what possessed me to ask a question that I already knew the answer to. I knew Jonny wanted me, and he had for a long time. Crazy thing was that I've wanted him too. That's why I made him come to my party, I had to make a move. Once we started high school, Jonny changed, and I knew he'd never approach me after that. I guess I was searching for some answer that would verify the things we felt for each other.

I watch him wipe his tears, as Kyle made his way back to the car. 

"Alright, let's go," Kyle said, starting the car.

 Jonny kept his eyes out the window, and I saw his cheeks glistening from the tears, that he had attempted to wipe away, down his cheeks. I reach for his hand but he snatches away from me. 

"Jonny?" I whimper, feeling dejected. 

He was making me feel like all of this shit was my fault. I start to feel the water in my eyes as I receive no answer from him.

I quickly turn away. I tried looking at the stars, but the car pushed them past my eyesight.

*****

Jonny's POV

I inhale deeply and wipe my face. I had gotten myself into this . . . and the sad part was that there was no way to get out of it. I look at Amber. I knew she was angry, but why? 

"C'mon, Jonny," I say out loud to myself.

 I took her away from her home, her family, and her friends, making her believe that she could count on me when I didn't even know if I could count on myself. Maybe, just maybe, I was hoping she would learn to love me and forget about it. But how could she, if I can't?

I couldn't stop thinking about my mother and how I never said "I love you" to her, and how I'll never see her again. I know Amber's mom was a jerk. She never had a father and maybe it isn't so bad for her.

I didn't want her to forget, I just wanted her to let it go . . . I look her way. I can't see her face because her long black hair hid her beauty.

"Amber," I say, hoping to see her eyes, but she kept her head down.