Deepest Secrets- One Direction FanFiction

Chapter 3

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New cover made by @Stylaroids

Cover to the side made by @This_Blonde_34

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"H-Harry...?" Louis croaked, as everyone had finally let go from their group hug. Harry only nodded, not being able to find any words to form in his already parched lips, and sore throat. They all left to go inside once it started to drizzle tiny rain drops. But Harry wanted them to hit him; he wanted to know this was real, even if he wished it wasn't. He had rather feel numb than pain, he couldn't stand it, the constant pain that knocked him down, all the time.

"Sir?" The taxi driver asked Harry, as he stood there oblivious to the world around him. Harry approached the taxi in a matter of seconds. "It'll be £347." Harry handed him his credit card, analyzing as he carefully swiped it and handed it back to him, then driving off, with only a splash from the wheels.

"Harry, you need to come in!" The sound of Liam's yell could be heard over the pounding of not only the rain as it fell harder and harder, but Harry's racing thoughts. He shook his head. He didn't want to go in, he thought that maybe, just maybe, he'd drown. Not have to worry about the pain, the loss, the grief-anything. Maybe if he stayed there long enough, he would be able to see her again. But Liam wasn't about to allow that to happen. He needed his best friend, not just now, but forever.

Trotting over to his friend, he slung his arm over his shoulder in order to keep him up straight.

"Come on Harry, you can't stay out here forever." Heading inside to their flat, Liam gently chucked Harry onto the couch, watching as he crawled into a ball before his very eyes. Carefully placing a quilt across his fragile, but yet shivering body Liam decided to make him some nice warm tea, to help cheer him up and maybe get his mind off things.

Stirring the few bits of tea bags they had left into some soothing hot water was all it took for Harry to slide off the couch and slither into the kitchen. Taking a sit at one of the stools under the counter, Liam set their cups of tea in front of him.

Moments of silence fell over them, for about ten minutes until Liam needed to know that Harry was okay.

"Are you okay?"

Harry hesitated before answering, slightly letting the crack in his voice appear. "Yeah, just thinking."

"About?"

"Her." It was a simple, yet honest answer. He couldn't stop thinking about her.

"She probably thinks about you too."

"Even in heaven?" Liam felt his heart plummet into his stomach right as he heard Harry whispered those words.

"Even in heaven." He reassured him.

"Liam?"

"Yeah?"

"Why did this happen?" Harry finally found it in himself to lift his head up and stare into Liam's eyes.

"Harry..." Liam trailed off, not knowing in the slightest as to what to say or how to answer that question. Because truth is, they all wondered that. "Well...sometimes we are given only a few minutes to be with the ones we love, and yet, thousands of years thinking of them."

Harry nodded in agreement, but yet, deep down, hoping that wasn't the case.

Sipping his now cold tea, Harry hugged the quilt closer as it began to fall. "Saying something and wishing you hadn't or saying nothing and wishing you had? Have you ever wondered which hurts the most, Liam?"

"No...Harry." Liam was utterly confused by this statement, not knowing what Harry meant, or where he was going with it.

"I have. And honestly? Right now...I'm wishing I had said a lot more than what I had. I should have told her what she meant to me, because now, I'm the one paying the price."

"Harry...this isn't in any way your fault."

"But what if it is Liam? Huh? Then what? They always say that, it's not my fault, but I can't think of any other way it could possibly be! It is my fault...it's all my fault."

"Harry...you need to just calm down, breathe a little."

"And another thing, Liam! Is that, before this-any of this happened, you never addressed me as Harry, but now it seems like that's all you can say. Why is that? Is it because you feel sorry for me? You pity the situation I'm in? Or maybe because you think it'll set me off if you say something else, like what? Hazza? Because that's what she used to call me? You think I'll turn into a suicidal maniac? Because you think I can't handle this? I know this is what you think..." Harry snarled aggressively towards Liam, making Liam be taken by surprise by his outburst. "Because I thought it too."

Liam felt the warmth of his own salty tears begin to stain his paled face. He couldn't, not even for a second look away from Harry's once green eyes, but now black and infuriated with anger, hatred, disgust, and shame. But they weren't reflected towards Liam, they were towards himself.

"All I can remember is our fight, and how she had tears running down her face, just like you do. Or the way she had so much disappointment, disgust and shame plastered on her beautiful face, it was written on there for the world to see, and I was the cause of that. That's when I left. I didn't even look back, Liam. Why didn't I look back? That was the last time I ever saw her, and the things I said to her, they haunt me every night. I don't know how I live with myself. I'm a horrid person, Liam, and I have no one to blame but myself."

"You're not! You made a mistake, Harry. Everyone does and I'm sure, knowing Kadie, she forgave you almost if not right after you walked out that door! She loved you, Harry! She loved you! You can't change or get rid of her love for you Harry!" Liam felt himself become even more withdrawn into the moment than ever before. Harry sounded like he was trying to convince himself of something-of anything.

"How do you know? You never even spent as much time with her as I did! I spent every awakening moment with her, wherever, and for as long as I possibly could! She meant everything to me!"

"And you don't think she didn't to me? She was like a sister to me, Harry!" Liam felt his voice rise over Harry's, till the point they were both planted in their stool chairs and shouting to one another. "One thing you may not know, Harry, is that the day of the fight, when you stormed off and went wherever, she came here." Immediately everything fell silent. The boys upstairs had heard the ruckus and decided to listen in from the top of the staircase of their two-story flat.

"W-what do you mean?"

Liam sighed, but repeated what he had once said. "She came here, Harry."