Ursa Minor (On hiatus)

The ticket to freedom

On Monday morning I directed my steps toward Lisa's locker as usual, but unusually slowly. Almost dragging my feet behind me, since I already knew this was not going to be one of those beaming mornings. She had sent me a message yesterday, which I've chosen not to answer. Or chosen, more like didn't have the energy. Not to conjure up some answer she'd be happy with. And texting was so excruciatingly boring. Especially with Adam hanging over my shoulder, spelling out loud what I was writing.

When I hadn't replied she'd had the nerve to call me. And I'd been all mono-syllabic with Ade and Spence snickering in the background. And then she'd sent me another message, which had spelled something like 'why are you such a douche when you're with your douche friends?' Well, Lisa would never write douche but that had been the meaning of it. I hadn't answered to that either.

Yeah, it was pretty bad. I didn't need to see her face to know that she was disappointed in me. Just seeing her from a distance, glimpsed her shoulders tense and severe, her hair in a strict ponytail. I knew I would have to rely on my way to often used lie that my phone for some reason hadn't received the message. It had happened to Julie's last phone before she had gotten a new one, so it wasn't unimaginable.

Lisa pretended not to see me as I walked up to her, and then did the 'I'm hurt but a greater person than you so I'll not show it' face as I kissed her temple. "What's up?" I asked, pretending to not know exactly what was up. 

"I sent you a message yesterday." Still the face. 

"I didn't get it," I lied, not so smoothly. 

"You really should get a new phone," she sighed impatiently, looking up at me for a second. 

"I know." I answered, but she was still giving me the same face, now even frowning a little. It took a while for me to get it.  

"So what did it say?" She sighed again, changing into the 'I'm hurt and you know it, so I might as well show it' face. I liked that better. It was less tricky to interact with.

"I wish you'd try harder sometimes with my friends. Or actually, not try at all. You're so nice when you're just with me, not hanging out with those people." I got a feeling she didn't mean it in a 'the amazing kind' of way. 

"What kind of people, like my friends?" 

"You know who I mean. Adam. Jason. That Spencer Worthley," she looked pointedly at me and yeah, maybe even Adam would agree that hardly anyone would label Spence good company, but still. It wasn't any of her business.  

"Adam's one of my best friends." 

Lisa pursed her lips. "Maybe, but the people he associates himself with aren't the best kind are they?"

Girls. Always trying to change you. I retreated into a sullen silence which Lisa seemed to interpret as some kind of agreement and she spoke again, in her usual kind voice. "I know that, but sometimes you have to let go of people pulling you down. You have a lot of potential Matthew, don't let him stop you from becoming great."

Fucking hilarious. How was this suddenly about who I should or shouldn't be friends with? Just wanted to tell her to just chill the fuck out, but I didn't want it to turn into a full-blown fight. We hadn't really fought about anything, I didn't want to start now. In public.

"He's one of my best friends, period." I stated sternly instead , hoping to leave the subject altogether.  

"I know you'll see sense." she smiled, squeezed my hand. Hah. I'd never seen sense in my whole life. "And I know that everybody would see you like I do, if you just, you know, talked to them," she continued, "I mean look at Allen, he arrived here only weeks ago, and he's already getting along with everyone." Oh, no she fucking didn't! I wringed my hand free.