Mortal (Book 3)

Chapter 5

I was never really one for archery, but Aela taught me a thing or two. She always said drawing your bow was as simple as breathing. Draw, fire. Inhale, exhale.
I've been tracking this deer for an hour. I've never even really hunted before and I thought it would be easy, but I've had the perfect shot at least three times now and couldn't bring myself to release the string and end his short life. It's hard to kill something that wouldn't even think of killing you. The deer looks so elegant with his long legs and sweeping antlers, but at the same time his empty eyes seem so innocent. He's very large, large enough to feed a family for a week or so. I have something of a family now, the kind that must be fed. While we're well enough off to not be hunting our own game, I want to provide for Sofie myself, at least this once. I remember Sofie's empty eyes and hollow cheeks as she grins at me with that basket of flowers in her skinny arms, and suddenly my arrow spirals through the air and the deer is dead.
My fingers must have slipped.
I skin the carcass and wrap what can be saved and eaten in paper and place it carefully in my pack, then kick the corpse into a ditch. I lick my lips and realize how parched I am. I can hear water trickling nearby, but for the life of me I can't see it. Eventually I see the creek running down the hill towards a large grove of pine trees. Once I push through the unforgiving pine branches, I find a small but deep pond very carefully hidden. This place seems so untouched, it feels as if the rabbits don't even know it's here. It's much too early for many other hunters to be out, so I decide it's as good a time as any to take a swim. I strip down out of my clothes; I didn't really even bother with armor to go against deer.
For the first time in years, I actually take a moment and look at my body. At the brothel, naked bodies were so common that they all blended together unrecognizably, my own included. To me, I just looked like every other girl there. Now, everything that happened and existed in that brothel just seems like a bad nightmare to me. Without armor, I don't look nearly as threatening. Everything about me seems round; round hips, round face, round chest. I have small shoulders but the muscle I've built up in my arms makes up for it. I count my scars; the one from the poisoned arrow under my ribs, the thin line on my cheek, the stab wound that Irileth gave me, and finally the long slice on my collar bone. Patches of soft golden down cover my body, glittering in the morning sunlight. For a moment I smile; I don't look half bad.
My smile fades as I remember a last scar; I doubt I could ever give Ulfric children of his own flesh and blood. I know the other Jarls would be loath to accept Sofie as his heir. He'll force them to of course, but Sofie will always have it hanging over her head, a knife at her back, even after Ulfric and I are long gone.
I know this is something Ulfric would want to know, but I don't know how I could ever tell him. What a cruel twist of fate by the gods— the last dragonborn can't bear children.

~

"I don't know, Nova. I always assumed Jorrvaskr was my home; it's my family's legacy. My mother and every woman before her was a Companion. Back in Cyrodiil... This was always what I was fighting to get back to. I didn't even think twice about it, if it was what I wanted. I'm not so sure now; I feel like it's not my dream anymore." Aela tells me, staring into the fire pit.
"You just need a new purpose, a new direction is all." I mumble. I returned from my early morning hunt when most of Whiterun was still sleeping, and only the most diligent shopkeepers were beginning to roll out of bed. Strangely enough, I found Aela waiting for me on my doorstep.
She groans and rolls her eyes at me.
"Yes, but what?" She says, her voice growing. I shush her quickly, glancing at Sofie's door. It's taken long enough to get her to sleep alone again.
"Careful. You'll wake her." I mumble.
"Wake who? Your housecarl?" She asks.
"No... My daughter." I tell her. She stares at me slack jawed, so I stand and walk to Sofie's room. I crack the door open and peek at her sleeping figure on the bed. Aela follows close behind, and peeks at her as well.
"I don't understand. Her father— I mean she couldn't have been born in the brothel, she's much too old—" Aela stutters.
"She's mine, but not by birth. Another war orphan. I knew her father, a very good soldier. Her name is Sofie." I whisper.
"How long has she been in your care?" Aela asks.
"I found her in the streets in Windhelm, I suppose that was a few weeks after the dragon attacked the watchtower. So I guess that would be over a year ago now. When Vilkas found out about her not very long ago, he believed she was my daughter by birth and became very angry with me. As you can imagine, I was unsure of bringing her here, but Windhelm just wasn't good for her." I explain.
"Why not?" Aela mumbles.
"Someone sent an assassin after my daughter... I couldn't risk that. Few people know I own a home here, so she'll be safe." I tell her as I shut the door.
"You have a family now, Nova. I can't believe it." She says tearfully.
"Perhaps that's your new direction, Aela. Family." I suggest. She smiles, but shakes her head.
"No. I decided long ago that I wouldn't have children. After Skjor I just... Never wanted to be in love again. I can't settle down long enough to carry a child and take care of it, anyway." She says. I think for a few moments.
"I know of... An organization taking new recruits. I'm not allowed to tell you much more than that, but if you'll follow me to their headquarters in a few days you could find out more." She's silent, running her fingers through her auburn hair.
"I'll think about it."
"Good."
I hear a small whimper from Sofie's room.
"... Mama?" Before she can finish the word, I'm inside the room.
"I'm sorry dear, did I wake you?" I ask, scooping her up into my lap and sitting on the bed.
"No. Bad dream." She mumbles, rubbing her eyes.
"Sofie, this is my friend Aela. Can you tell her hello?" I say, distracting her before the tears start flowing. Aela goes from calmly intrigued to absolutely terrified in seconds.
"Hello." Sofie mumbles, and the fear in Aela's face melts away.
"I was thinking about bringing her up to Jorrvaskr today. She's quite the fighter, you'd be surprised. I'm just a little worried about... You know who." I tell her. I haven't seen Vilkas since he'd asked me to marry him in Riften after Marcurio's wedding. I don't know how he'd feel about meeting Sofie.
"I think he'll be fine. If not, I'm sure Sofie could take him on." Aela chides me.