Insufferable

Chapter 3

pic on the side by AaliyaKhan

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Thank you to everybody for reading, voting and commenting.

It means alot and encourages me to carry on with this story.

Hearts 

Tee

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“I’m coming out of my cage

And I’ve been doing just fine.”

Chapter 3

It’s been two weeks since my father’s suicide as well as my initiation in the pack. An uneventful two weeks. I couldn’t say I hated it, no, it was just different. It’s not like I wanted out, I in fact wanted to try it out, I liked having new friends, at least I hope I could call them friends, I just didn’t know how to be around them. The same thing with my grandparents, they cared and that was scary. It was difficult to talk and open up to them, I was still closed off, my walls securely in place, I guess I just didn’t know how to laugh or joke or act like I had no care in the world. Nothing brightens my day or makes me smile genuinely, so being here has made me realize just how lonely I really am.

You want the truth?

Truth is that I’m pathetic, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and I was just passing time until I die. Die alone. That’s what I was destined for. I would welcome death, which would be the greatest release. But death would be too easy, no I had to suffer. More than I suffered before then I have before. I was the cause of my mother’s death, I missed my father’s constant reminding and ultimately I was the slow cause of his insanity and suicide. I caused it, the guilt weighed me down, and the pain consumed me. I had to live with this; there was no way out, no sweet escape.

My mate didn’t even want me, that is how pathetic I really was. Did he want someone prettier, sexier, and confident? I just don’t know. The one person, who could fix me, doesn’t want me. I think he sees it, that I have emotional baggage, maybe his not happy with the way I look, that his disgusted in me. Ha! I don’t blame him; I wouldn’t want to be with me either.

He doesn’t want me.

Four simple words that continue to break my heart, they play over and over.

I’ve been avoiding the pack house at all cost, not going there when I was invited by the guys, or to the pack meetings.

However, today I had to go, I was being forced to go to some training thins, apparently all members in the pack had a set training time and in was compulsory for all members of each pack.

The 17-21 year old was today, Saturday, at noon.

“You know this is for your benefit Sage.” My grandfather said for the seventeenth hundred time, he has been preaching this line ever since he told me I had no choice but to go, I would’ve gone without a fight but I didn’t want to see Alpha Carter Black.