Abused {ACM}

Chapter 32

Abby's POV

It coursed through my veins like liquid sunshine, making me glow even though I haven't slept in over 24 hours, even though I had jet lag, even though I haven't showered in two days, I was glowing. I was alive as New York City in the nighttime, I felt strong.

"And she's so excited that city lights could take on the color of her eyes." Parker teased.

I grinned even bigger, somehow. "Still making up poetry, I see."

"Does he do that a lot? I've noticed that, too," Jonas laughed.

"Parker's a big ol' county poet," I imitated his accent.

"Shut up," he rolled his eyes.

I looked to the side at Austin, who's been quiet for a while. His face was stony, his grip on my hand a little too tight. I shot him a glance.

"What's wrong?"

He just shook his head. A muscle in his jaw popped, and my eyebrows scrunched together.

"But the plan," Tristan reminded me. "tell us about the plan."

"Right," I nodded, deciding I'd ask Zach what was wrong later. We all sat down again, this time me off of Austin's lap and Parker to the left of me, Austin on the right. He kept a hold of my hand and continued tracing circles, as if he never stopped.

"So, we'll go to the police station. As soon as possible. As in tomorrow soon. And my dad's been following me, as you all know from the black ribbons. And the goal is to catch him, right? Our goal, and the police's goal. But my father's goal is to get me. So..." I trailed off, biting my lip.

"Go on," someone urged.

"So...I was thinking, that since he wants me, we should give him. Me."

"No." Austin but in the second I finished my sentence, if not before.

"No, but listen-"

"No, Abby," there was a fire in his eyes that I didn't want to play with, but I risked it anyway.

"Austin, if you would just let me finish-"

"Abigail."

After I got over the initial shock of him calling me by my full name, and in that tone of voice no less, I glared at him. "Austin, let me finish. We aren't actually giving me to him for real. I'll just play bait on a hook. Policemen will be waiting outside and when he comes they'll just charge in and get him. Simple."

"Except for the fact that it is illegal to use somebody as bait in a serious situation like this," Jonas cut in.

"What if the bait is willing?" I asked.
"The bait is not willing!" Austin exploded, standing up, wrenching his hand from mine. "The bait," he spat the word out. "needs to start thinking about herself for fucking once."

His eyes turned from green to black, like the clouds covering up the sun on a windy day.

"The bait," I spat right back. "is thinking about herself. Maybe the bait's boyfriend should try and look at it in a reasonable way!"

"Maybe the bait should shut up and think about her actions for once!"

"I am thinking about my actions!" I screamed, standing up and throwing my arms in the air. "I've been thinking about my actions for the past three months!"

"Then think harder, because there's no way in hell we're going through with that plan!" Austin shouted, a vein in his neck making an appearance.

"You can't stop me," I seethed, my hands clenched into fists so tight I felt blood trickling out of the gashes my nails made. "I'll just run away and go through with it myself. You don't control me."

I was sick of it. I was sick of being told what to do. I was sick of having my life lived for me.

"Abs," Austin said, his voice stern. "This is too dangerous."

He cut off, and his expression became gentle, and desperate. "We just got you back...why would...why would you risk your life when we just got you back? Do you know what you being gone did to us? ...To me?" His sentence ended in a whisper, and he completely deflated, going from an angry, overprotective boyfriend to a vulnerable one.

I unclenched my fists, my heart pounding, this time from leftover anger. My eyes glanced down at his arms again, skinnier than they were before. "It's the only way. I'm scared. I hate this. I want it to end. I just want him to stop hurting me."

The room was quiet, and compared to the happy atmosphere before, it was tense, and brittle.

"We can do it another way," Austin whispered, stepping up to me and wrapping me in a hug. And suddenly, things felt okay again. "There's going to be another way. I promise."

I shook my head. "There isn't, Austin, there isn't. You have to let me do this. Please, please, please."

"Would you let me do it, if our positions were reversed?"

I tensed up and thought about it.

I wanted to say 'yes', but unfortunately, that wasn't the case.

There was no way in hell I would've let Austin do what I wanted to do.

"That's different," I argued feebly.

"No, it's not, and you know it," Austin growled.

I sighed. That was all I had left. A shaky little breath of air that I managed to get out, one that could express everything - exasperation, love, acceptance, annoyance, weakness. Everything that I was feeling.

"We don't have to come up with any plan so soon anyway," Tristan soothed. "You just got back, Abs. We'll keep you safe, we promise."

"But my aunt and uncle..." I whimpered into Austin's shoulder.

"We'll get them back too. I swear," Ben smiled gently at me, a rare thing.

I just nodded and closed my eyes, suddenly extremely tired.

"Let's get you to bed," Austin murmured. He bent down to pick me up bridal style, but I shook my head and climbed on his back instead, so I could hide my wet, hot face in his neck. He carried me upstairs after everybody said their good-byes, promises to come back tomorrow, and set me down on the bed. I reached out, and he immediately placed Sir Squiggles into my hands. I sniffled and heard the thick drops of tears hitting the pillow case. It took me a while to realize that they were mine.

"I love you," Austin climbed in next to me and pulled me closer, closer, closer. Our legs tangled together and I shoved my arm under his, wrapping myself around him. In this position, I don't know who was protecting who. Who was the weak one, who was the strong one. Which one of us was comforting the other, telling the other that everything was going to be okay. Our lips brushed together once, twice, and barely disconnected - I could feel the tip of his nose on my cheek, the stuffed koala tossed somewhere behind me so there would be less room in-between us, our stomachs touching, fingers locked together, a tangle of limbs and tears and air.

"I love you too," I said back, and never in my life have I ever meant something more than I meant that, right there, right then. "So much. So, so god damn much."

"I won't lose you," he said as I drifted in and out of consciousness. "Never, ever again."

"Is that a fact?" I whispered, lips twisting up in a tired smile.

"It's a promise."