Look At Me

Remember me

Remember me

We already have a week until graduation day. Chase gave me his replay, for days his words hunted me, it gave me hope. He was finally considering my feelings and was seeing me eye to eye. I was patient and gave him some space to think. Though every day I was dying for him to finally accept my feeling, I live and woke up the next day hoping for it.

It was a few days before graduation when all things crumble. Maybe it was wishful thinking or I was just hopeless from the very beginning. I was given an assignment by our advisor to help over see some of the preparation for the graduation. You can say I was in the wrong place in the wrong time, or I was lucky enough to have found out before I hoped even more.

I was walking towards the teacher’s lounge, the hallway almost a ghost town. I was carrying a box full of photocopies, and somehow, because of the heavy weight, I got myself off balance and tripped. The paper come flying down, scattered everywhere. The people who witnessed it just gasped and looked for a moment before the continued doing their thing, which left me picking it all up by myself. I was on the floor for awhile, and some people didn’t even notice me; that is when I saw him with her.

They were leaning in to close with each other, whispering words towards each other’s ear. She giggled at whatever he said, and he smirked at it triumphantly like it was his goal to make her giggle. It was obvious that they were flirting. Anyone in that hallway would feel the vibes coming off of them, a feeling that was slowly making my heart felt like it has been squeezed, as air knocked out of me. My eye started to sting from staring at them, and my body slowly, uncontrollably vibrated. I sat in the floor, watching them, as these feeling unravel. As I let out a breath, not even realizing I was holding it in, I looked away from them and stood up. I didn’t care about the papers; I didn’t care about anything at the moment. For once in my life, I finally ran away and cried my heart out.

For the final days until graduation, I hid, dodge, made excuses so that I wouldn’t see him face to face. Though it pains me to not be beside him anymore, it pained me more to watch him be with someone else. I know his friendship meant to me more than anything in the world, but I lost all confidence and interest in that friendship the moment I saw him with her. I was stupid enough to not realize it sooner, he did love her, he cried for her, I wasn’t in league with her ex-girlfriend, and I was just a friend.

Graduation finally came. It was a day of celebration, a day to say goodbye to high school, to friends, to past loves. But, today, for me, it was a day of confession, a day that I could finally tell him everything and move on with my life.

When the ceremony ended, the place was swarmed with parents and relatives along with the graduates. I stood there, taking in all in, before I decided to go look for him. Though my stomach was filled with butterflies, and my heart was thumping hard and fast, I swallowed my nerves and walk on, looking for him. It took me awhile, but I finally saw him, hugging his mother. I paused for a while, thinking of my parents, and walked away from him.

“Pumpkin!” my mom shouted, her voice drowned by other people’s conversation. I saw her waved, and walked towards her, bumping into a couple of people.

“Hi mom, I was looking for you.” I said when I reached her, and then gave her a hug.