The Sickness Is the Cure (Jalex)

33 - I Miss You

*November 22*

Alex laughed weakly at some stupid sarcastic remark from his cousin, sipping his wine and quietly contemplating how much of the red liquid he'd need to drown himself. Normally, Alex loved the holidays and family get togethers, but he'd been unusually subdued that year. Isobel and Peter had quietly murmured that he was having 'relationship problems' when the various relatives questioned them about why their son was moping around the turkey instead of jovially joking around and grinning widely like usual.

But the blond was finding it hard to enjoy the mashed potatoes and admittedly exquisite orange-cranberry sauce when his aunt's kid next to him was happily relating hilarious tales of the adventures of his eight month year old baby. That cousin was only six years older than Alex, and also a married University professor with a kid who had everything figured out in his life. Alex wasn't actually sure what he taught - he'd majored in the freaking French influence on the American Revolution or something stupid and obscure like that. Maybe there was a class that specialized particularly on that incredibly specific subject; he didn't actually care. 

Alex had spent most of Thanksgiving dinner frowning at his half-empty plate, trying to not imagine how much better the apple pie would taste on Jack's tongue and subtly pressing his fingers to his hips under the table, mood only plummeting further when he felt nothing besides normal fabric rubbing on his skin. The bruise were gone, and while the images of his (Alex refused to add 'former') lover constantly swarmed his mind, he knew that it was depressingly easy to forget the details of people, despite how desperately hard he clung to them. 

Without the hickeys and handprints claiming his skin, constantly reminding Alex of where  and who they came from in the most painfully arousing way possible, there was nothing physical left. Well, except for that red hoodie of Jack's that Alex had found in his  laundry two weeks ago and subsequently spent the rest of the day splattering with saltwater because everything Jack had been washed out of it. 

Needless to say, things just were not going well for him, and watching everybody else happily get on with their lives was annoying. Seriously, how inconsiderate could people be, unintentionally rubbing their stupid little perfect relationships in his face while Alex was trying to both accept and get over the possible loss of his? All of his relatives were doing fantastic, Zack and Spencer were doing something kinky and purportedly amazing that Alex wouldn't want to hear about even if it didn't make him that much lonelier, Ryan and Brendon were incapable of looking at each other with anything besides adoring puppy-dog eyes, and even Jon, who was supposed to be the emotionally unavailable hopeless romantic, had a first date with some cute girl that he hadn't stopped gushing about since. Seeing his own parents gaze at each other with that irritating glint in their eyes made Alex want to hit something. 

That wasn't true, it actually only made him pathetically long to hold Jack, but Alex was trying stupidly hard to ignore how obsessed and lame he was being. 

Alex looked up from where he’d been carefully examining the precisely weaved holes in the lace tablecloth through which the mahogany wood showed, catching his mom’s worried gaze and giving her a half-hearted smile. His parents had always and forever would know him better than anybody – bar Zack, maybe – and while Alex was completely positive that his mother wouldn’t buy his wimpy attempt at looking like he was enjoying himself, he didn’t have the energy to summon up a more convincing grin. Heartbreak was exhausting.

Isobel returned her son’s defeated look with a loving turn up of the lips, trying to silently communicate in that motherly telekinesis way that everything would be ok. To be honest, she’d watched Alex go through more partners than she could count, and none of the come downs from the high that was love had ever been so severely agonizing. But Alex was an amazing young man, and while Isobel knew extremely little about the mysterious man he was involved with, he was surely suffering through the same situation. She hadn’t raised her boy to be stupid enough to fall in unrequited love, and Isobel was confident that eventually, one of the two would tug themselves together so they could restore on another.