Shades of Grey

Nerves

            Lupin writhed in pain as another sting travelled through his veins. He hated what he was. His body craved transformation, but the Wolfsbane potion kept him from turning into a mindless monster. He’d been in bed the entire day, growing weaker by the second. It felt as though his skin was trying to turn itself inside out, as though his heart was going to explode. The raging fever soaked his sheets in sweat and his head throbbed like the beat of a drum. Snape had gotten the potion to him in time, but the full moon was not any less painful.

~

            Aurora wasn’t sure whether or not Professor Lupin would be teaching the next day, so she decided to arrive early to scope out the situation beforehand. Her stomach was a bundle of nerves that seemed to do flip-flops with each step that brought her closer to the classroom. Her parents had instilled in her early in life to never disrespect your elders. Their lesson had gone a bit too far, perhaps, for Aurora found it hard to even have a normal conversation with her professors. It didn’t help that there seemed to be some unspoken feeling between her and Professor Lupin, making it all the more nerve-wracking to confront him on her own. Especially when she was planning on calling him out on ignoring her. This was uncharted territory in her mind.

            She took a deep breath before stepping up to the D.A.D.A. classroom, only to find that it was empty. Perhaps he wasn’t teaching today after all. Slightly disheartened, she turned and walked back down the corridor. She was about to take the stairs when she heard voices coming from down another corridor. They sounded like students and as she followed her curiosity, she heard Lupin’s voice ring loud and clear. She followed the noise to the staffroom and positioned herself just outside the door. The class seemed to be having a good time, all laughing and grinning at each other’s achievements. It took her a moment to see the boggart, changing shape with each new student that stepped up. Then, as Harry Potter stepped up, she realized they must be third years.

            To her surprise, as soon as Harry stepped up, the boggart didn’t even have a chance to transform.
“Here!” Lupin shouted, hurrying in front of the boggart, which then promptly transformed into a silvery orb. It was only so for a moment before Lupin flicked his wand almost lazily and sent the boggart towards another student, who finished the boggart off.

“Excellent!” Professor Lupin grinned and congratulated his class, handing out house points to a few before dismissing them. Aurora stepped back from the door as the class hurried out, waiting for the staffroom to empty. She was beginning to doubt her mission and turned to leave, but Professor Lupin spotted her before she could get away.

“Good afternoon, Miss Finch.” He said as he left the staffroom, no doubt heading back to his classroom to prepare for the seventh years. He managed a weak smile, knowing that he must still look a mess. He’d managed to keep up an energetic front for his third years, but now that they were gone, he was utterly exhausted once again.

“Good afternoon, Professor.” She said as he appeared beside her, now finding herself at a loss for words. He had chosen to speak to her?

“What brings you around so early?” He asked, as they began to walk down the corridor towards the classroom. Aurora ran a nervous hand through her hair and then pulled at her robes. It was as her hands couldn’t find somewhere to stay. Somehow, she managed to speak.

“We need to…uhm…talk about what happened.” She said quickly, as they neared the classroom. He nodded slowly and as they entered the classroom, he flicked his wand and pulled up a chair for each of them.

“Please, sit.” He motioned towards one of the chairs, gratefully sinking into the other one himself.

“Firstly, I’d like to apologize for behaving so irrationally. I acted inappropriately that night and it was quite unfair for me to take it out on you.” He stated matter-of-factly, throwing her into confusion. She hadn’t expected him to just take the blame for everything.

“I don’t think that you acted inappropriately that day.” She said quietly, biting her lip after she had spoken. Maybe that was a thought she should have kept to herself, she thought, as she watched his face carefully for a reaction.

“You don’t?” He asked before thinking, not being able to help himself. Her opinion surprised him and he thought for a moment before speaking again. It was crucial to proceed carefully.

“I’m your teacher. I’m not supposed to…to…” He trailed off, searching for the right words. She let him finish, watching him shift uncomfortably.

“I’m not supposed to be the one holding you. If someone had seen, they might have thought that something else was going on. Do you understand?” He asked and she nodded quickly. He was relieved until she opened her mouth to speak.

“What were you supposed to do in that situation, then? Just leave me alone?” She wondered aloud, not sure where this burst of nerve had come from. It was so unlike her to question a professor.

“Of course I wouldn’t have just left you alone. It’s just a…it’s just a complicated place for me to be.” Lupin explained calmly, running a hand down his tired face. She seemed to accept this answer and moved on.

“Why did you ignore me?” She challenged now, though she did not sound angry. Lupin hated that he had brought that edge of hurt to her voice, though he had just been trying to protect them both. How could he explain to her without it coming out the wrong way?

“I…I think that you’re an interesting person, but you are a student at the school where I teach. I distanced myself for both our sakes.” He said carefully, waiting for her to challenge him again. Instead, she confused him further.

“Okay.” She said simply, her expression unreadable. He was already on edge and her short answer didn’t help. Nor was it helped when she mentioned his absence the day before.

“Are you feeling better?” She asked now, deciding it wise to change the subject, lest tension smother them.

“Oh, yes. Much better. Nothing to worry about. It was just a twenty-four hour bug.” He lied fluidly, wondering how much of the third year’s lesson she’d seen. She didn’t seem to disagree with him.

“Well, it’s good that you are feeling better. None of us enjoyed having Professor Snape.” Aurora laughed slightly and stood up.

“I suppose I’d better sit at my desk now.” She raised an eyebrow and he nodded quickly.

“I’d say that’s a wise choice, considering class will be starting very soon.” He smiled and watched for a moment as she sat down in her usual seat, resting her chin on her palms. Not two minutes later, the rest of her classmates began to file in.

~